How to Validate Both Kids Without Fuelling Rivalry 

Parenting Perspective 

Different Needs, Equally Important 

It is very common for siblings to view each other’s position in the family as unfair. The eldest often longs for the extra affection that the youngest receives, while the youngest envies the freedom and trust that comes with being older. If these feelings are not recognised, they can turn into rivalry. The goal is to show each child that their needs are different but equally important. 

Name and Validate Each Child’s Feelings 

The first step is to name and validate what each child feels. Tell your eldest, ‘I know it feels like your sibling gets more attention because they are little, but that does not mean you are less loved.’ Then tell the youngest, ‘I know it feels hard when you are not trusted with the same responsibilities yet, but that will come when you grow.’ This reassures them both that you understand their perspective. 

Highlight the Advantages of Each Stage 

Secondly, highlight the unique advantages of each stage. For the eldest, point out the trust, independence, and respect that come with maturity. For the youngest, emphasise the joy of being cared for and protected. This helps each child see that what they have is valuable, even if different from what the other receives. 

Create One-on-One Moments 

It also helps to create one-to-one moments with each child where they are not compared to their siblings. Even a short activity that is tailored to their personality can strengthen their sense of being valued for who they are. When children feel secure in their bond with you, they are less likely to compete with each other. 

Celebrate Differences, Do Not Rank Them 

Finally, set a family tone where differences are celebrated rather than ranked. Remind them that families work best when everyone has a role, and no role is more important than another. By reinforcing this message consistently, you can ease the rivalry and build mutual respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Diversity Is Part of Allah’s Design 

Islam teaches that fairness and justice must be upheld in family life, but fairness does not mean identical treatment. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘O mankind, indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have created you all from one man and one woman; and placed you amongst various nations and tribes for your introduction to each other; indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is the Omniscient, the all Cognisant.’ 

This Verse shows that diversity is part of Allah’s design. Just as people and nations differ, children within the same family differ in age, role, and responsibility. Nobility is not in position but in righteousness, reminding both eldest and youngest that their value is not diminished by their stage of life. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

Justice here means recognising each child’s needs and responding fairly. For the eldest, that may be trust and responsibility; for the youngest, that may be extra care and patience. By meeting both with fairness, you reassure them that your love is constant, even if its expression looks different. 

When you validate each child’s feelings, honour their stage, and apply justice with mercy, you prevent rivalry from taking root. Instead, you nurture gratitude in both children for the role Allah has given them within the family.