How to Unlearn the Shame of Prioritising Yourself 

Parenting Perspective 

It is not selfish to protect your inner space; it is necessary. Parenting does not cancel your identity as a full human being. In fact, when you prioritise personal needs like stillness, worship, or quiet reflection, you model emotional self-respect. Children benefit from witnessing a parent who knows how to step back, recharge, and return with presence. 

If you consistently override your own needs in the name of ‘being there,’ you may show up physically, but with emotional depletion. A child does not just absorb what you say or do; they feel the state you carry. 

Name Your Needs Without Defensiveness 

To unlearn the shame, begin by naming your needs without defensiveness. Say to yourself: ‘I need this moment to sit and breathe. This helps me return calmer.’ Then communicate the same to your child in age-appropriate terms: ‘I will be with you in ten minutes. I need to take a short quiet moment first.’ 

What you are doing here is not only protecting your energy, but you are also teaching your child that everyone has limits, and that tending to them is an act of balance, not rejection. 

A Deeper Sense of Inner Security 

Children raised in homes where boundaries are normalised grow up with more respect for others and a deeper sense of inner security. The more confident you become in honouring your own space, the more clearly your child learns that love is not constant availability; it is thoughtful, responsive presence. 

Spiritual Insight 

There is nothing selfish about seeking stillness or engaging in worship quietly. In fact, nurturing your own connection with Allah Almighty is one of the greatest acts of parenting. You cannot offer what you do not have, and spiritual nourishment is no exception. 

A Reminder That Reflection is a Sign of Wisdom 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), verse 9: 

‘…Say  (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “Can there ever be parity between those people that have knowledge and those people that do not have knowledge?”…’ 

This verse elevates the act of reflection, learning, and seeking closeness to Allah Almighty as a distinguishing feature of those with true insight. 

The Prophetic Model: Your Body Has a Right Over You 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Your body has a right over you…‘

[Sahih al-Bukhari, 67:133] 

This Hadith is part of a longer narration that underscores the need for rest, balance, and care for one’s physical and emotional well-being, even in the pursuit of good deeds. 

Unlearning shame begins with re-framing what you are doing. You are not withdrawing love; you are investing in your own clarity and strength, which only deepens the love you bring to your child. Let that be your quiet confidence.