How to Truly Hear Your Child When They Say You Only React 

Parenting Perspective 

Hearing your child say that you only react instead of listening can feel painful, but it is also a gift, because it shows that your child wants connection with you. What they are asking for is not silence, but presence: to feel that their words are held, not judged or immediately corrected. 

Slow Down Your Responses 

To rebuild trust, begin by slowing down your responses. When your child speaks, resist the urge to jump to solutions, corrections, or emotional reactions. Instead, practise pausing, even briefly, before replying. This small act shows that you are taking their words seriously. You might even reflect what you heard: ‘So you felt upset when that happened?’ This reassures them that you are hearing their meaning, not just their words. 

Respond with Curiosity 

If your child shares something difficult, respond with curiosity instead of criticism. Phrases such as ‘Tell me more about that’ or ‘What was that like for you?’ invite them to go deeper without fear of being cut off. This helps them feel emotionally safe. 

Acknowledge Past Moments 

It is also important to acknowledge past moments where you may have reacted quickly. A simple, ‘I know I have not always listened well before, but I am working on it now,’ demonstrates humility. Children often soften when they sense their parent’s sincerity. 

Trust is not rebuilt through one conversation, but through repeated small experiences where your child feels heard without interruption. Over time, your patience and attentiveness will show them that you are not only their protector but also their safe listener. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that the way we listen and respond to others reflects the state of our character. True listening is a form of mercy, and mercy is the foundation of healthy relationships, especially between parent and child. 

A Reminder to Choose the Best Words 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), verse 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan (is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them, as indeed, Satan is the most visible enemy for mankind.’ 

This Verse reminds believers to choose the best words in their interactions, for harsh or reactive speech can cause harm and division. For a parent, speaking with gentleness after truly listening protects the bond with the child from resentment and mistrust. 

The Prophetic Model: Strength is Self-Control 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who wrestles well but the strong man is one who controls himself when he is in a fit of rage.’ 

[Sahih Muslim,45:140] 

Applying this in parenting means showing strength not by reacting quickly, but by holding back, listening patiently, and responding with composure. This self-control creates an atmosphere where children feel safe speaking openly. 

By practising patience in listening and choosing words of gentleness, you model prophetic character. Over time, your child will see that you are not only a parent who reacts, but one who truly hears, and that shift will deepen the trust between you.