How to Teach That Fairness Does Not Always Mean Equality 

Parenting Perspective 

Fairness Is Not the Same as Identical Treatment 

It is very common for children to measure love by what they can see and count: who got the bigger gift, who had more minutes of your time, or who joined you for a special outing. To them, equality can feel like the only proof of fairness. However, as a parent, you know that each child’s needs are not identical, and showing fairness often means responding to those differences rather than treating them exactly the same. 

Explain That Needs Are Different 

One way to help your children is through gentle and simple explanations. You might say, ‘I love you all the same, but sometimes I give you different things because your needs are different.’ For example, if one child is older, they may need school supplies or extra time for homework support, while the younger may need more play and comfort. When children see that differences are based on needs rather than preference, it becomes easier for them to accept. 

Balance Visible Attention 

At the same time, balance visible attention. Even if the needs are different, try to make sure each child has regular moments where they feel chosen and valued. These do not have to be large or costly gestures. A bedtime story, a short walk, or even a sincere conversation can reassure a child that they are equally precious in your eyes. 

Avoid Comparisons 

It also helps to avoid comparisons. Instead of saying, ‘Your brother needs this more than you,’ frame it in terms of each child’s uniqueness: ‘This is for you because it suits you,’ or ‘This is for your sister because it is her turn.’ This reduces rivalry and helps them appreciate that love is not a competition but a constant from you. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice Is Giving Each Person Their Due 

Islam provides deep guidance on justice and fairness within families. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).’  

This Verse shows that justice is a command from Allah, but justice does not always mean giving everyone the same. It means giving what is due in a way that is right and appropriate for each situation. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari (Hadith 2587) and Sahih Muslim (Hadith 1623) that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This hadith highlights that parental fairness is an act of obedience to Allah. Justice with children includes balancing love, time, and attention according to their circumstances, without neglecting any of them. 

By practising fairness with compassion, explaining differences gently, and being consistent in showing affection to all, you can model for your children that Islamic fairness is rooted in wisdom and care, not in identical treatment. Over time, this helps them feel secure in your love and guided by the values of Deen.