How to Teach Emotional Regulation When You Struggle Yourself 

Parenting Perspective 

Honesty and Effort Are Your Best Tools 

It is very natural for children to mirror their parents’ reactions. When you see your daughter reflecting your own anger, it is not a sign of failure, but rather a reminder that she is learning directly from your example. The first and most powerful teaching tool you have is not perfection, but honesty and effort. 

Let Them See You Practise Self-Regulation 

A useful step is to let your child see you practising self-regulation. For example, if you feel anger rising, you might take a deep breath and say aloud, ‘I am upset right now, so I am going to pause.’ This simple act shows her that strong feelings can be managed with awareness rather than impulsive reaction. Over time, this teaches her that emotions are natural, but how we respond is within our control. 

Repair Models Humility and Growth 

Repair is equally important. If you react harshly, take the opportunity to apologise and explain how you could have responded better. This does not undermine your authority; instead, it models humility and growth. Your daughter will then understand that making mistakes is part of learning, and that responsibility matters more than flawless control. 

Make Emotional Regulation a Shared Journey 

You can also introduce small practices that help calm both of you together, such as reciting short duas, taking a walk, or having a cooling-off signal at home. By involving her in these practices, you make emotional regulation a shared journey, rather than an expectation placed on her alone. 

Spiritual Insight 

Restraining Anger Is a Quality Beloved to Allah 

Islam recognises that anger is a human emotion, but it provides guidance on how to manage it. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 133–134: 

‘And compete to seek forgiveness from your Sustainer, and to the Gardens (of Paradise) the width of which (is equivalent to) the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth; prepared for those who have attained piety. Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’  

This Verse highlights that restraining anger is not weakness, but a quality beloved to Allah. Teaching your daughter to pause, forgive, and soften her reactions becomes an act of worship when linked to this reminder. 

Frame Self-Control as True Strength 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Book 78, Hadith 141, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who throws his opponent down, but the strong person is the one who controls himself at the time of anger.’  

By sharing this teaching with your daughter, you can frame self-control as true strength. When she sees you striving for it too, she learns that both parent and child are companions in growth, turning to Allah for help. 

In this way, your efforts, even if imperfect, will show her that emotional regulation is part of living Islamically, and that progress is more important than never making mistakes.