How to Support One Child Without the Other Feeling Abandoned 

Parenting Perspective 

Ensure Both Children Feel Equally Valued 

This situation is very common when one child requires more hands-on support than the other. The risk is that the independent child begins to see independence as a disadvantage, because it seems to result in less parental attention. The goal is not to divide time perfectly, but to make sure both children feel equally valued in the family. 

Acknowledge Her Feelings 

First, acknowledge your daughter’s feelings. If she expresses that she feels left out, listen carefully and reassure her that her independence is not being overlooked. You can say, ‘I am proud that you can manage your work, and that does not mean I love you less. Your brother just needs me to sit with him more right now, but I want to spend special time with you too.’ Naming the imbalance helps her see that you are aware, not blind to her emotions. 

Create Intentional Moments of Connection 

Second, create intentional moments with her, even if they are shorter. It could be a bedtime chat, a shared walk, or asking her opinion about family matters. The key is consistency, so she learns that although your time with her brother may be longer, your presence with her is meaningful. Quality is often more important than quantity. 

Involve Her in Encouraging Her Brother 

Third, involve her in encouraging her brother without shifting responsibility onto her. For example, she could quiz him for fun or celebrate when he learns something new. This builds teamwork instead of rivalry, while still making clear that your role as a parent is to support both according to their needs. 

Value Her Independence 

Finally, help her see her independence as a strength you value deeply. Recognise her efforts and occasionally offer guidance even if she has managed well alone. This shows that you are not taking her independence for granted but honouring it. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice Is Giving Each Person Their Due 

Islam teaches that fairness within the family is essential, but fairness is not identical treatment. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice; indeed, the enlightened direction to you from Allah (Almighty) is (a beneficial) endowment; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is All Hearing and All Seeing.’ 

This Verse reminds us that justice is about giving each person what they are due. For one child, that may be extra academic support, while for another, it may be quality moments of connection and recognition. Both are acts of fairness, because each child is being given what they need. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This Hadith teaches that justice in parenting requires conscious effort. It is not about sameness, but about balance, ensuring no child feels abandoned or overlooked. By supporting your son academically while carving out time and recognition for your daughter, you uphold justice in a way that is both practical and spiritually sound. 

Through this approach, both children learn that your love is constant, even if your support looks different, and that their worth is not measured by how much time they require, but by the unique place they hold in your heart.