How to Stop Your Middle Child Acting Out for Attention 

Parenting Perspective 

Acting Out Is a Way of Saying ‘See Me Too’ 

It is common for middle children to feel overlooked, especially when the eldest is often recognised for achievements and the youngest receives extra affection for being the ‘baby’ of the family. Acting out then becomes a way of saying, ‘See me too.’ The real challenge for you as a parent is to acknowledge their need for visibility without reinforcing negative behaviour as their main way of receiving attention. 

Create Moments of Positive Attention 

One helpful step is to intentionally create moments where your middle child feels seen outside of conflict. This could be as simple as noticing their effort in helping with small tasks, complimenting their creativity, or inviting them into one-to-one time with you. When a child receives consistent positive attention, they are less likely to seek it through disruptive behaviour. 

Avoid Comparisons in Your Language 

It is also important to avoid comparisons in your language. Rather than saying, ‘Look how nicely your brother did that, why not you?’ try focusing on their individual strengths. For example: ‘I love how thoughtful you were when you shared that toy.’ This reframes the child’s identity away from being ‘difficult’ and towards being capable of good. 

Separate the Child from the Behaviour 

When misbehaviour happens, respond calmly and firmly but separate the child from the behaviour. Instead of saying, ‘You are always difficult,’ which becomes a label, say, ‘I can see you want my attention, but this is not the right way.’ This helps the child understand that they are loved, even if their actions need correcting. 

They Are Valued for Who They Are 

By balancing firm boundaries with deliberate warmth, you show your middle child that they do not need to fight for their place in the family. They will begin to trust that they are valued for who they are, not just for how loudly they demand attention. 

Spiritual Insight 

Honour Is Not Based on Birth Order 

Islam teaches that every child is a trust and deserves justice and attention. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Hujrat (49), Verse 13: 

‘O mankind, indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have created you all from one man and one woman; and placed you amongst various nations and tribes for your introduction to each other; indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is the Omniscient, the all Cognisant.’  

This Verse reminds us that honour is not based on status, birth order, or comparisons, but on righteousness and good deeds. Teaching children this principle helps them see that each one has their own unique value with Allah, and that they do not need to compete for worth. 

Fear Allah and Be Just with Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This Hadith highlights the responsibility on parents to ensure no child feels overlooked or consistently burdened with negative labels. Justice includes giving each child the recognition and affection they need in a way that protects their dignity. 

By consciously affirming your middle child’s unique qualities, while guiding them to express their needs in healthy ways, you reflect fairness and mercy in your parenting. This balance prevents rivalry and reassures all your children that love is not divided but multiplied.