How to Stop Your Kids From Counting Minutes 

Parenting Perspective 

They Are Seeking Proof of Your Love 

When children begin to count minutes or compare how much time you spend with each of them, it usually reflects their deeper need for reassurance that they are valued. For a parent, this can feel frustrating, but it is important to recognise that the child is not really asking about numbers; they are seeking proof that your love is consistent and dependable. 

Shift From Quantity to Quality 

One way to respond is by shifting the focus from quantity to quality. Instead of trying to balance minutes exactly, you can give each child moments of complete presence. Even if it is only ten minutes, looking them in the eye, listening attentively, and engaging with their world communicates love far more than an hour of distracted company. 

Explain That Needs Shift, but Love Is Constant 

You might also explain gently that every child has different needs at different times. For example, when one child is unwell, another might see you spend extra time with them. You can reassure your children that these moments of care are not favouritism but a response to what is needed. Over time, if they consistently see you coming back to them with warmth and attention, their insecurity will soften. 

Ease Comparison With Rituals 

To ease sibling comparison, it helps to establish family rituals that everyone shares equally, such as a short bedtime dua together or a weekly family activity. Alongside that, you can intentionally create one-on-one time with each child, even if brief. By making this predictable, children learn that their turn is coming and do not feel they must compete. 

Calm Consistency Matters Most 

Above all, your calm consistency matters more than explanations. When children see that you love them through action, patience, and fairness, they slowly stop counting minutes and begin trusting the bond. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice Is About Giving Each Their Due 

Islam teaches us that fairness and mercy are essential in relationships, especially with children. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).’ 

This Verse reminds us that justice is not about equal numbers but about giving each person their due in kindness and care. A parent’s role is to act with justice while recognising that children have different needs at different times. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This hadith highlights that parental fairness is an act of obedience to Allah. Justice with children includes balancing love, time, and attention according to their circumstances, without neglecting any of them. 

By modelling fairness with compassion, you show your children that your love is not fragile or based on competition. It is steady, rooted in care, and guided by the values that Allah has commanded. This reassurance will teach them that your bond is stronger than the minutes they count.