How to Stop Your Child Misbehaving for Your Attention 

Parenting Perspective 

Misbehaviour Is a Signal for Connection 

When children misbehave in order to gain attention, it is often a signal that their deeper need is connection, not defiance. If your child senses that your focus is frequently elsewhere, they may resort to disruptive behaviour because even negative attention feels more secure than being ignored. This is not a reflection of their lack of respect, but of their yearning to feel seen. 

Build in Intentional Moments of Connection 

The key is to build intentional moments of connection before misbehaviour begins. Even if your schedule is full, try to offer small but meaningful signals that your child matters. A two-minute cuddle, a smile, eye contact while you speak, or saying ‘I will sit with you once I finish this’ can reassure them that they are not forgotten. These brief moments often carry more weight for a child than long but distracted interactions. 

Create Predictable Pockets of One-to-One Time 

You can also create predictable pockets of one-to-one time each day. For example, a few minutes before bedtime or after a meal can be reserved for undivided attention. When your child knows these moments are reliable, they will be less likely to seek your notice through disruptive means. 

Name Their Need Before They Act Out 

In addition, try to name your child’s need for attention before they act out. Saying, ‘I see you want me. Let me finish this task and then I am with you,’ helps them feel recognised. This teaches them that their need is valid, while also setting a boundary. 

Focus on Quality Over Quantity 

Shifting your energy does not mean being available every moment but being intentional about quality over quantity. By noticing them early, you help prevent the cycle of misbehaviour that comes from unmet emotional needs. 

Spiritual Insight 

A Parent’s Attention Is an Act of Worship 

Islam places importance on giving time and affection to family, recognising it as an act of worship. A parent’s attention is not only love but also Tarbiyah (nurturing), and children thrive when they feel included in that care. 

Protecting Your Family Includes Nurturing Them 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahrim (66), Verse 6: 

‘O you who are believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones….’  

This Verse reminds us that part of protecting our families is nurturing them with guidance and attention in daily life. Meeting a child’s need for recognition is part of that responsibility, because it secures their heart as well as their actions. 

Neglect Is Emotional as Well as Physical 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 9, Hadith 137, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is sufficient sin for a man that he neglects those whom he is responsible for. ‘ 

This Hadith highlights that neglect is not only about physical provision, but also about emotional presence. When you notice your child with kindness before they act out, you are fulfilling your duty and protecting them from feelings of neglect. 

By shifting your energy from constant busyness to intentional moments of connection, you model balance and mercy. Your child learns that they are seen and valued, and you fulfil your role as both a loving parent and a guide who nurtures with compassion.