How to Stop Shouting When Your Children Fight 

Parenting Perspective 

Your Response Sets the Tone 

It is very understandable to feel overwhelmed when children’s fights escalate into shouting, hitting, or constant arguing. In those moments, your own emotions naturally rise, and it can feel almost impossible to remain calm. However, the way a parent responds sets the tone for how children will learn to resolve their own disagreements. If they see anger met with anger, they will continue the cycle. If they see calm leadership, even if firm, they learn another way of handling conflict. 

Pause Before You React 

A useful first step is to pause before reacting. Even taking two slow breaths or stepping back for a few seconds can prevent words said in frustration. This short pause shows your children that anger does not need to control the situation. After the pause, you can step in with a clear, steady tone. For example: ‘This behaviour is not acceptable. You both need to stop now. We will talk about what happened once everyone is calm.’ 

Separate, Then Reflect 

Separating the children briefly when tempers are high can also reduce the intensity and give you space to address each child without them interrupting one another. Later, once calm is restored, you can guide them to reflect on what went wrong, apologise where needed, and suggest better ways to manage similar situations in future. Over time, this consistent pattern shows that while fights will happen, they will always be followed by fairness, accountability, and repair. 

Reassure Both Children 

Most importantly, reassure both children that they are loved. If one child feels that the other always gets defended or favoured, resentment grows. By making time to listen to each perspective, you teach them that being heard matters more than ‘winning’ the fight. 

Spiritual Insight 

Model How Faith Guides Behaviour 

Moments of sibling conflict can feel heavy for a parent, but they also present a powerful opportunity to model how faith guides behaviour. The noble Quran and the Sunnah of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ offer us principles on patience, forgiveness, and strength in handling anger that apply beautifully to parenting struggles like these. 

Patience and Forgiveness Are Recommended by Allah 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 43: 

‘And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.’  

This verse reminds us that holding back in anger is not weakness but a strength that Allah praises. For a parent, this means that every effort to respond with calm instead of shouting is an act of worship, and it shows children that conflicts can be resolved with patience and mercy. 

True Strength Is Self-Control 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Book 45, Hadith 140, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can wrestle, but the strong man is the one who controls himself in a fit of anger.’  

This hadith gives clarity that strength lies not in overpowering others but in mastering the self. When you regulate your own temper, you are teaching your children by example that self-control is more valuable than winning an argument. 

By grounding your parenting response in these values, you create a home where children see that while anger and disagreements are part of life, the way we handle them with fairness and restraint is what truly reflects strength and closeness to Allah.