How to Stop Parenting from a Place of Fear 

Parenting Perspective 

Fear-based parenting frequently originates not with your child, but with your own early recollections. Judgement may persist in your nervous system, even if the voices are internal, if you were raised in a home where affection was conditional or mistakes were subject to criticism. The fear of being ‘wrong’ can inadvertently motivate you to justify every decision, over-explain yourself, or seek validation from others rather than standing in your own quiet confidence. 

Pause Before You Explain 

The initial step is to recognise when this impulse manifests. Before you explain, pause. Ask yourself: Am I trying to alleviate my child’s distress, or to improve my own self-esteem? The sensation of franticness will always be present when parenting from dread. Even when uncertain, parenting from trust provides a sense of stability. Begin to develop the skill of succinctly articulating a boundary or decision, without the necessity of defending it. Although it may appear unfamiliar at first, it is a form of internal re-parenting: you are informing yourself that your voice is sufficient. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, our actions are judged by intention, not by perfection or public approval. 

A Reminder That You Are Not Expected to Carry What You Cannot Hold 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), verse 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

This verse is a reassurance that you are not expected to carry what you cannot hold. That includes the burden of proving your worth to others. 

The Prophetic Model: What Matters is the Sincerity 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.‘

[Sahih Muslim, 45:42] 

This hadith shifts the focus inward. What matters is not how others perceive your parenting, but the sincerity with which you do it. 

By grounding yourself in your intentions, you can step away from the urge to defend every choice. Your child does not need a perfect parent. They need a parent who leads from trust, not fear, and who knows that worthiness was never something to earn in the first place.