How to Stop My Kids Learning That Mums Do Everything 

Parenting Perspective 

Children Learn From What They See 

Your concern is valid; children need to see that the responsibility of parenting belongs to both parents. Children learn more from what they observe than what they are told. If they continually see you carrying the full weight of responsibilities, they may internalise the idea that this is the natural role of mothers, while fathers remain on the side. To break this pattern, you will need to balance both what you do and what you model through conversation and family dynamics. 

Involve Your Spouse in Visible, Consistent Ways 

One practical step is to actively involve your spouse in visible, consistent ways. It may not be about splitting every task evenly but ensuring that your children see both parents engaged in different parts of daily life. For example, if you usually manage school routines, you could let their father take charge of bedtime or weekend outings. Even small shifts, when done regularly, show children that parenting is a shared responsibility. 

Use Language to Reinforce Partnership 

At the same time, explain to your children in age-appropriate language that every family shares work differently, but fairness and cooperation are values you want them to grow with. You could say, ‘In our home, both Mum and Dad have roles. Sometimes I do more in one area, sometimes Dad does. What matters is that we both care for you together.’ This helps prevent them from forming rigid or unfair views about parental roles. 

Model Healthy Communication and Respect 

It is also important to avoid falling into silent resentment. If you carry the load but never discuss it, your children may assume that this imbalance is natural and acceptable. Let them see healthy communication between you and your spouse, even small acknowledgements such as, ‘Thank you for helping with this.’ That visible respect models the partnership you want them to value. 

Spiritual Insight 

Honouring Both Parents in Islam 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 23: 

‘And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably; whether one of them or both of them reach old age in your lifetime; then do not say to either of them ‘Uff’ (an expression of disrespectful frustration) and do not admonish them; and talk to them with kind words..’ 

This Verse highlights the unique sacrifices of mothers but also links gratitude to both parents together. Islam places respect and appreciation equally, teaching children that both mother and father are honoured for their roles, even if the nature of their contributions differs. 

The Shared Responsibility of the ‘Shepherd’ 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih, Book 18, Hadith 25, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.’ 

[Mishkat al-Masabih, 18:25] 

This Hadith reminds us that responsibility is shared, even if carried out in different forms. Fathers are not exempt from the nurturing role; their leadership includes care and presence in the home. 

By ensuring your children witness balance in action and hear from you that both parents’ matter, you are protecting them from absorbing distorted lessons about gendered burdens. Over time, they will learn that love and responsibility are not weighed on one parent but honoured in both. Both father and mother play a combined role for their child’s betterment and progress.