How to Stop Kids Fighting Over Who Sits Next to You 

Parenting Perspective 

They Are Fighting for Reassurance, Not a Seat 

When children argue over sitting next to you, they are not really fighting for a seat. They are fighting for reassurance that they are special and loved. Physical closeness represents emotional closeness. What each child is asking is, ‘Am I still important to you?’ Recognising this helps you respond with calm rather than frustration. 

Set a Simple System of Turn-Taking 

One practical step is to set a simple system of turn-taking. For example, you might say, ‘Today it is your turn, and tomorrow it will be your sibling’s.’ Over time, this predictable rhythm reduces competition because the children know they will each get their chance. Keeping your word is essential, as broken promises can deepen feelings of unfairness. 

Create New Forms of Closeness 

Another helpful approach is to create new forms of closeness so that sitting beside you is not the only sign of being valued. You might spend a few minutes after dinner talking privately with one child or take short walks with another. When your children experience consistent one-to-one attention at other times, the pressure around meals and outings becomes lighter. 

Reassure Them With Your Words 

It also helps to explain openly that your love is not measured by seating arrangements. You can say, ‘Even if you are not sitting right next to me, my heart is always with you.’ Children need to hear these reassurances repeatedly. By showing warmth through eye contact, touch, and listening, you communicate that every child has a secure place with you, regardless of where they sit. 

Fairness, Communication, and Reassurance 

Balancing your children’s need for closeness will never be about the perfect system, but about consistent fairness, clear communication, and moments of reassurance that love is not limited. 

Spiritual Insight 

Honour Their Rights With Fairness and Mercy 

Moments like these are reminders of the deep trust Allah has placed upon parents. Each child craves your attention, and Islam teaches that their rights must be honoured with fairness and mercy. 

Justice in Parenting 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).’  

This Verse reminds us that justice is not only for courts and transactions, but also within family life. Justice in parenting is giving each child their rightful share of love and care in a way that suits their needs. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al-Mufrad, Book 5, Hadith 11, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

The holy Prophet ﷺ emphasised that even small acts, such as giving affection, should be shared with fairness. For a parent, this means ensuring that one child does not consistently feel more valued than another, even in simple matters like seating. 

When you create fairness with turn-taking, offer reassurance in words, and find new ways to show closeness, you are not only reducing competition but also fulfilling the trust of justice that Allah has commanded. In this way, each child learns that your love is steady and their place in your heart is secure, whether or not they are seated beside you.