How to Stop Kids Feeling You Love One More Than the Other 

Parenting Perspective 

Different Attachment Patterns Are Natural 

It is entirely natural for siblings to show different attachment patterns, especially across age and developmental stages. What you are observing is not necessarily a reflection of unequal love, but it can feel that way to children, and those feelings are what need to be attended to. 

Preferences Are Not Necessarily Rooted in Favouritism 

Younger children often seek physical closeness and may rely more on the parent who handles daily care. Older children may gravitate towards the other parent for a sense of independence or because they feel understood in a different way. These preferences shift over time and are often not rooted in favouritism, but children do not always interpret it that way. 

Focus on Equity, Not Sameness 

To reduce the feeling of imbalance, make time for intentional one-to-one moments with each child. Let each one see you light up when they enter the room. Use their name lovingly in conversation. Ask about their thoughts and include them in meaningful tasks. The goal is not to give equal time but to meet each child’s unique emotional needs. Equity is not about sameness; it is about being attuned. 

Be Mindful of Your Language and Tone 

In family settings, be mindful of language and tone. If one child is more affectionate and expressive, it can seem as if they are more loved, even if that is not the case. Make space to draw out the quieter child, even with small acknowledgements like, ‘I really liked how you helped without being asked.’ These moments reassure them they are seen and valued. 

Validate Their Feelings 

Finally, do not ignore it when children express hurt or jealousy. Rather than saying, ‘Of course I love you both the same,’ which can feel dismissive, respond with something like, ‘I can see it felt unfair. Thank you for telling me. I want you to know you are always loved, even when it does not feel like it.’ This kind of response validates the emotion while reassuring their place in your heart. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Pain of Perceived Favouritism 

Sibling comparison and the perception of unequal love is a sensitive matter, and the noble Quran addresses it through the story of Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him). 

The Story of Prophet Yusuf 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Yusuf (12), Verses 8–9: 

‘Remember when they (the brothers) said): “Surely, (Prophet) Yusuf (AS) and his brother (Binyameen) are more beloved to our father than we are, whilst we are so many; indeed, (it seems that) our father is clearly mistaken.” (As a solution) One (of the brothers) said: “Murder (Prophet) Yusuf (AS), or exile him to a (distant) land; so that your father’s regard (and consideration) shall be for (redirected towards) you; and after (you have committed this act, you can repent and) become virtuous people”.’ 

This Verse shows how perceived favouritism, even if unintentional, led to intense sibling rivalry and emotional pain. The brothers of Yusuf (peace be upon him) felt displaced in their father’s love, which became the root of destructive jealousy. 

Strive for Fairness and Equity in Love 

It is recorded in Jami al-Tirmidhi, Book 37, Hadith 101, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you will have faith until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.’  

This hadith reminds parents to strive for fairness and equity in love and treatment, as a reflection of sincere faith. It also invites reflection on empathy, to love and treat each child in a way that honours their individual needs and emotions. 

The lesson here for a parent is not only to love each child, but to ensure that love is consistently and clearly shown in ways that each child recognises. Children do not just need to be loved; they need to feel loved. Through balanced attention, private connection, and gentle reassurance, you are not only preventing jealousy but nurturing secure hearts rooted in fairness and mercy.