How to Stop Kids Competing for Affection 

Parenting Perspective 

Competition Is a Reflection of Insecurity 

When children compete for affection by exaggerating their needs, it is often a reflection of their insecurity about their place in your heart rather than deliberate misbehaviour. Your role is to help each child feel truly seen and valued without rewarding the behaviour that fuels rivalry. 

Calmly Acknowledge Their Feelings 

Begin by calmly acknowledging their feelings without immediately responding to the demand itself. For example, say, ‘I understand you feel upset and want more attention right now.’ This lets the child know their emotions are recognised without escalating competition. 

Establish Consistent One-on-One Time 

You can also establish clear and consistent times where each child receives your focused attention, even if only for a few minutes. Announcing a specific ‘special time’ for each child reassures them that they are important and loved individually, reducing the impulse to exaggerate to get noticed. 

Encourage Honest Communication 

Encourage siblings to express their needs with honesty and calmness rather than through exaggeration. Praise moments when they share their feelings without competition, reinforcing positive communication. 

Reassure and Avoid Comparison 

When one child is struggling, briefly validate their feelings but gently remind them of the love you have for everyone. For instance, ‘I see you are feeling worried, but remember that my love for you and your brother/sister is very big and there is always enough for each of you.’ This reassurance, repeated often in quiet moments, builds emotional safety. It is equally important to avoid comparing children or showing obvious preference, even unintentionally. Fairness does not mean giving exactly the same in every moment but ensuring that each child feels their unique needs and personality are respected. 

Encourage Cooperative Activities 

You can also involve children in cooperative activities that strengthen their bond, helping them see each other as allies rather than competitors. A parent’s calm presence and consistent boundaries will gradually shift the dynamic from rivalry to mutual respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Fairness and Compassion Are Essential Values 

In Islam, fairness and compassion between siblings are essential values that parents must uphold. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 1: 

‘…And seek piety from Allah (Almighty) in Whose Name you (should be) asking for everything, and (be mindful of gratuitous) ties of kinship (falling outside the realm of piety); Indeed, Allah (Almighty) is Ubiquitous (of your actions).’  

This reminder encourages awareness of the sacred responsibility parents have to treat children with equity and kindness. 

Fear Allah and Treat Your Children Fairly 

It is recorded in Sunan an-Nasai, Book 31, Hadith 16, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and treat your children fairly.’  

This emphasises that fairness is not only about physical gifts but also about nurturing each child’s emotional and spiritual needs with justice. Your consistent reassurance and equitable attention reflect this prophetic guidance. By fostering an environment where love is abundant and fairly distributed, you honour your responsibility to protect your children’s hearts from rivalry and insecurity. 

In this way, the children learn that your love is not a limited resource but a blessing that grows and includes each of them uniquely. This understanding will help them to reduce competition and embrace a relationship rooted in love, respect, and brotherly/sisterly compassion. Your thoughtful approach creates a home where love is secure and sincere, allowing every child to flourish emotionally and spiritually.