How to Stop Fixating on What You Got Wrong 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a deeply human experience to overlook everything that went well and zone in on what faltered. For a parent who cares, this often comes from a place of high standards and deep love. But when that self-scrutiny turns harsh, it can cloud perspective and drain emotional energy, making the role of parenting heavier than it needs to be. 

Balancing Responsibility with Compassion 

The key lies not in abandoning responsibility, but in balancing it with compassion. You are not excusing mistakes when you shift your focus, you are recalibrating so that accountability does not turn into self-blame. The goal is not perfection, but presence. 

Hold Both Truth and Tenderness 

When a mistake happens, pause and name it calmly to yourself. Then actively name what you did well. This is not a feel-good exercise but it is reality. By doing this regularly, you train your mind to hold both truth and tenderness at once. This, in turn, teaches your child how to own their errors without crumbling under them. 

Children do not learn from perfect parents. They learn from parents who model what it looks like to be honest, self-correcting, and emotionally anchored. Let your child see that growth includes missteps, and that one mistake does not erase an entire day of care, effort, or love. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great emphasis on intention and process, not just outcome. This gives the believer a framework to remain accountable without being consumed by despair. 

A Divine Call to Hope 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), verses 53–54: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins; indeed, He is the Most Forgiving and the Most Merciful. And revert back to your Sustainer, and submit yourselves to Him (Allah Almighty)….”.’ 

These verses remind us that even when a mistake is real, it is never the full story. Mercy is not only for major sin, it is also a divine principle that nourishes the believer through everyday human error. 

The Prophetic Model: Acknowledging a Mistake is Faith 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When a servant of Allah sincerely says, ‘I have sinned, so forgive me,’ Allah says, ‘My servant has recognised he has a Lord who forgives sins… I have forgiven My servant.‘

[Mishkat al-Masabih, 9:107] 

This Hadith affirms that acknowledging a mistake is itself a moment of faith. A parent who reflects sincerely, repents sincerely, and then moves forward with grace is already on the straight path. 

You are allowed to be both responsible and gentle with yourself. Your child will learn to do the same, not because you never get it wrong, but because you keep returning to what is right.