How to Stop an Older Child Bullying a Younger One 

Parenting Perspective 

Bullying Often Stems from an Unmet Need 

This is a very real tension many parents face: protecting the younger child without damaging the confidence or connection with the older one. When the older child teases or bullies, it usually comes from an unmet need for attention, control, or reassurance. If you only step in with correction, the older one can begin to believe that they are seen only for their mistakes.

 

Separate the Behaviour from Their Identity 

The key is to separate behaviour from identity. You can firmly correct the action without labelling the child. For example, instead of saying, ‘You are being mean,’ you might say, ‘The way you spoke to your brother was hurtful.’ This communicates that the behaviour must change, but your love for them is still intact. After disciplining, follow up later with a moment of positive connection so the older child sees that your bond is not broken by their mistake. 

Protect the Younger Child 

At the same time, the younger child needs to know you will protect them. Step in quickly and fairly to stop the teasing, making it clear that unkind behaviour is not acceptable. This gives them safety, while also modelling to both children that boundaries are there to protect everyone. 

Shift Their Role From ‘Bully’ to ‘Helper’ 

It can also help to involve the older child in guiding or supporting the younger in positive ways, such as reading together or helping with a task. This shifts their role from ‘the one who bullies’ to ‘the one who helps,’ balancing responsibility with affection. 

Keep the Older Child Secure in Your Love 

By correcting behaviour calmly, avoiding harsh labels, and creating opportunities for repair, you can defend the younger child while keeping the older one secure in your love. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice and Good Conduct Must Guide Your Parenting 

Islam emphasises justice and compassion in family life. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty...’ 

This verse reminds us that both fairness and kindness must guide our parenting. Protecting one child from harm while guiding the other away from wrongdoing is part of this justice. 

Be Merciful to Those on Earth 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 43, Hadith 169, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be merciful to those on the earth and the One above the heavens will have mercy upon you.’ 

When you balance mercy with fairness in moments of sibling conflict, you are teaching your children that mistakes do not erase love, and that boundaries exist out of care, not rejection. 

By holding both children with justice and mercy, you protect the younger from harm while showing the older that they are not defined by their mistakes but guided back to goodness through love.