How to Step Up Without It Becoming a Power Struggle 

Parenting Perspective 

It is common for one parent to naturally take the lead in decision-making, especially if they are more involved in the daily routines. However, over time this can leave the other parent feeling sidelined or unsure of how to contribute meaningfully. The goal is not to wrestle control, but to step into your role with clarity and partnership. 

Recognise Where Your Voice Can Add Value 

Begin by recognising where your voice can add value. Instead of trying to counter every decision, choose specific areas where you want to be more actively involved, such as bedtime routines, schoolwork, discipline, or religious practices. Share this with your wife in a calm moment, making it clear that you are not trying to overrule her, but to carry your share of the responsibility. 

It is important to build trust with consistent follow-through. If you say you will take the lead in a particular area, commit to handling it with steadiness so that your wife feels reassured rather than burdened. Over time, she will naturally step back because she sees that you are reliable in that space. 

Avoid Disagreements in Front of Your Children 

Avoid discussing disagreements in front of your children, as this can confuse them and create an unhealthy sense of divided authority. Instead, align privately with your wife, even if you still hold different opinions. Presenting a united front communicates stability to your child and prevents power struggles from spilling into family life. 

True leadership in parenting is not about having the final say, but about being present, consistent, and working as a team. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that family life is built on cooperation, mercy, and shared responsibility. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), verse 6: 

‘O you who are believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones….’ 

This Verse reminds both parents that they are entrusted with guiding their children, and this responsibility cannot be left to only one spouse. It is a joint Amanah (trust) that requires shared effort. 

The Prophetic Model: Both Parents are Shepherds 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.’ 

[Al Adab Al Mufrad,9:51] 

This Hadith makes it clear that fathers and mothers alike carry accountability for the wellbeing of their children. It is not about competing for control, but about fulfilling one’s duty with sincerity and wisdom. 

By stepping into your role with steadiness, reliability, and humility, you transform parenting from a question of power into a partnership of trust. In this way, your child sees two parents aligned in purpose, and your home reflects the balance that Islam calls for.