How to Show Pride in Each Child Without Causing Rivalry 

Parenting Perspective 

Jealousy Is a Fear of Being Unseen 

It is natural for children to long for recognition, and when one child sees a sibling being praised, it can spark feelings of jealousy. Your daughter’s reaction is not simply about her brother’s achievement, but about her own fear of being unseen. A parent’s challenge here is to express pride in each child in ways that build them up without creating competition. 

Individualise Your Praise 

One helpful approach is to individualise your praise. When you share a story about your son with your family, balance it by sharing something about your daughter at another time, even if it is not a big milestone. The key is to highlight qualities, not just outcomes. For example, praising her kindness, perseverance, or creativity ensures she understands that being valued is not limited to achievements. 

Keep Some Celebrations Private 

It also helps to keep some celebrations private. You can tell your daughter, ‘I am proud of your brother for this, just as I am proud of you for your own strengths.’ This gentle reassurance teaches her that pride in one child does not take away from love for the other. You may even invite her to join in congratulating her brother, showing her that appreciation is something siblings can share rather than compete over. 

Create One-on-One Moments 

Equally, create one-to-one moments where you express pride directly to her. When children know they are regularly seen and appreciated, they are less likely to interpret another sibling’s recognition as their own loss. By being mindful in how you distribute attention and affirmations, you teach your children that each of them holds a unique place in your heart. 

Spiritual Insight 

Believers Are United, Not Rivals 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Hujurat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’  

This Verse reminds us that believers are connected through bonds of unity, not rivalry. Within a family, siblings are meant to support and celebrate each other, rather than compete for love or recognition. 

Nurture a Spirit of Mutual Pride 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Book 1, Hadith 77, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.’  

Applied in the home, this Hadith encourages parents to nurture a spirit of mutual pride and joy. By teaching your daughter that rejoicing in her brother’s success does not diminish her own worth, you instill a value of sincere love that strengthens family bonds. 

Balancing public praise with private affirmation and linking recognition to each child’s unique qualities ensures that your daughter feels secure in her place. This approach honours the prophetic teaching of fairness and helps prevent rivalry, turning moments of pride into opportunities for shared joy.