How to Show Love When Your Teenager Pulls Away 

Parenting Perspective 

A Sign of Development, Not Rejection 

It is natural for teenagers to seek more independence and personal space as they grow. Pulling away from physical affection is not a rejection of your love, but rather a sign that they are developing new ways of relating to you and the world. Your challenge as a parent is to adapt to this stage while continuing to give them the emotional security that affection once symbolised. 

Find New Ways to Express Closeness 

You can begin by respecting their boundaries while finding new ways to express closeness. For example, instead of hugs and kisses, you might offer a smile, a gentle pat on the back, or words of encouragement. Some teenagers respond well to shared activities, such as a car ride, cooking together, or even a quiet tea after school. These moments signal to them that your love is still present without feeling intrusive. 

Communicate Openly 

It is also important to communicate openly. You can say, ‘I know you may not want hugs as much now, but I want you to know I still love you. How would you like me to show that?’ This gives your teenager the space to express their needs, while reminding them that your love is not conditional. 

Independence Does Not Threaten Your Bond 

Remember that resilience and confidence in teenagers come from knowing that they are supported, respected, and valued. By adjusting how you show love while still being consistent in your presence, you reassure them that their independence does not threaten your bond. 

Spiritual Insight 

Mercy Can Be Expressed in Many Forms 

In Islam, affection is seen as part of mercy, but mercy can be expressed in many forms beyond physical touch. As children grow, the ways we express mercy must evolve, yet the essence remains the same: love, care, and compassion. 

The Parent-Child Bond Evolves Over Time 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 14: 

‘And We (Allah Almighty) have decreed upon mankind in regard to his parents; his mother carried him (in pregnancy exposing her to) weakness upon weakness; and his dependent nourishment (from her) for two years; (thus O mankind) be grateful to Me (Allah Almighty) and to your parents, and to Me is (your ultimate) destination.’  

This verse highlights that the bond between parents and children is lifelong, but the form it takes changes over time. Just as a mother’s role shifts from carrying to guiding, your expressions of love may need to adapt as your teenager matures. 

Mercy Is an Ongoing Attitude of Care 

It is recorded in Jami al-Tirmidhi, Book 27, Hadith 30, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The merciful are shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on the earth and the One above the heavens will have mercy upon you.’ 

This teaches that mercy and compassion are not tied to one specific action but to an ongoing attitude of care. 

By continuing to show mercy through respect, listening, and supportive guidance, you are still fulfilling the prophetic model of love. Your teenager may decline physical affection, but what they cannot outgrow is their need for your steady compassion. When expressed with wisdom, this balance honours their independence while protecting the emotional safety that love provides.