How to Show Love When Your Kids Receive It Differently 

Parenting Perspective 

Adjust Your Approach So Both Feel Valued 

It is very common for siblings to receive love differently. One child may flourish when praised openly or hugged often, while another may feel uncomfortable with that attention and withdraw. This does not mean the quieter child does not need love. It simply means that their way of accepting it looks different, and as a parent, adjusting your approach helps both children feel equally valued. 

Observe What Brings Them Comfort 

Begin by observing what brings comfort to the child who resists affection. They may prefer a quieter acknowledgement, such as a gentle comment spoken privately, a smile, or a simple act like sitting beside them. Sometimes small gestures, such as remembering their preference or inviting their opinion, communicate love more powerfully than praise. The important thing is to show that you notice and appreciate them without forcing them into the spotlight. 

Focus on Effort and Character 

For the child who thrives on praise, continue offering encouragement, but focus on specific effort and character rather than general approval. Instead of ‘You are amazing,’ you might say, ‘I saw how patiently you helped your sibling, and I am proud of that.’ This builds a healthy sense of self-worth that does not depend on comparison. 

Balance Needs With Intentional Time 

Balancing both children’s needs requires intentional time. Even short, individual moments can reassure each child that they are uniquely loved. You do not need to treat them identically, but you do need to make sure that each one feels your love is constant and sincere. By tailoring your expression of love, you teach both children that they do not need to compete for your affection, because it is given in the way that suits them best. 

Spiritual Insight 

Show Affection in a Way That Brings Peace 

Islam teaches that love and mercy are central to family life, and that each person should be given their due with fairness. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you love, tolerance and kindness; indeed, in this there are Signs (of the infinite truth) for the nations that have realisation.’ 

Although this Verse speaks about spouses, the principle applies more widely: love is expressed through mercy and consideration of what brings the other person peace. For children, this means showing affection in a way that reaches their hearts, not only in the way we prefer to give it. 

Mercy Includes Recognising Differences 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 43, Hadith 171, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and honour our elders.’  

This Hadith makes clear that showing mercy to children is a religious duty. Mercy includes recognising that children are different in their personalities and needs. To one, mercy may be expressed through warm words and embraces, while to another, mercy may be to give space, gentle recognition, or acts of service. 

When you adjust your approach with sincerity, you are not favouring one child over another but living out justice and mercy. This allows both children to feel secure that they are loved deeply, each in a way that speaks directly to their heart.