How to Show Affection When It Doesn’t Come Naturally 

Parenting Perspective 

Sincerity and Consistency Matter Most 

When you have grown up in an environment where love was not expressed openly, it is natural to feel unsure about how to show affection to your own children. What matters most is not the size of the gestures, but their sincerity and consistency. Affection can take many forms: a gentle touch on the shoulder, making eye contact when your child speaks, using a warm tone of voice, or giving a small smile of encouragement. These simple actions, when repeated often, communicate safety and love without feeling forced. 

Build Affectionate Habits Into Daily Routines 

You can also build affectionate habits into daily routines. A parent who feels awkward with words of love might find it easier to express care through shared activities, such as reading a book together, listening with attention, or joining in a game. These become natural opportunities to show warmth while focusing on connection rather than performance. Over time, small consistent expressions of affection become part of your natural style, and your children will feel secure in your love. 

Start Gradually With Verbal Affection 

If verbal affection feels difficult, start gradually. You might say things like ‘I enjoy being with you’ or ‘I am proud of how you handled that.’ These are natural and purposeful statements that affirm your child without feeling exaggerated. With practice, expressions such as ‘I love you’ will also feel more comfortable. Remember, affection does not need to look the same in every family; what matters is that your children experience you as emotionally present and available. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam Encourages Openly Expressed Love 

Islam beautifully recognises the importance of expressing love openly. 

Affection and Mercy Are Divine Gifts 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you love, tolerance and kindness; indeed, in this there are Signs (of the infinite truth) for the nations that have realisation.’  

This Verse shows that affection and mercy are divine gifts, meant to be expressed in family bonds. If Allah places love between spouses as a sign of His mercy, then extending affection to children is equally a part of nurturing a home filled with tranquility. 

Whoever Does Not Show Mercy Will Not Be Shown Mercy 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was not only a leader but also a deeply affectionate father and grandfather. It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ kissed his grandson Al-Hasan ibn Ali (RA). A companion, Al-Aqra ibn Habis, remarked that he had ten children and had never kissed any of them. It is recorded in Al Adab Al-Mufrad, Book 5, Hadith 12, that the holy Prophet ﷺ responded: 

‘Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’  

This hadith shows that affection is not merely cultural or optional, but an expression of mercy that Allah values. Showing love to your children is an act of mercy that nurtures their hearts and also earns divine rewards. Even if it feels unfamiliar at first, every small step you take towards showing warmth is a form of worship when done with the intention of raising children with love and compassion. 

By gradually practising small gestures of affection, you can create a home atmosphere filled with mercy and security. Over time, this will become your natural way of interacting, and your children will grow up knowing that love is both felt and shown.