How to Show Affection in Ways Your Children Recognise 

Parenting Perspective 

Children Feel Love Through Presence, Not Just Service 

It is very common for parents to express love through service, such as cooking, cleaning, and managing the home. These acts are indeed a form of care, but children do not always interpret them as love. For a child, love is usually felt most strongly through presence, attention, and play. When they say, ‘You never play with us,’ they are not rejecting your service but signaling that they need affection in a way that feels direct and personal to them. 

Balance Service With Shared Joy 

A helpful approach is to balance acts of service with moments of shared joy. Even a short, focused period of play, laughter, or conversation can have a profound impact. If time is limited, you can choose small rituals: a ten-minute game after dinner, reading together before bed, or a playful interaction during chores. These consistent moments reassure children that you enjoy their company, not just their well-being. 

Play Is Their Emotional Language 

It is also useful to remember that children equate play with connection. When you step into their world, even briefly, you are speaking their emotional language. A parent who sits on the floor, joins in a silly game, or listens to a child’s story shows love in a way that words or services alone cannot achieve. Over time, these gestures build a sense of belonging and trust. 

Spiritual Insight 

Affection and Warmth Are Essential 

In Islam, love is not only spoken but also demonstrated in action. Service to family is a noble act, yet the teachings of our faith remind us that affection and warmth are also essential. 

Affection and Mercy Are Divine Gifts 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you love, tolerance and kindness; indeed, in this there are Signs (of the infinite truth) for the nations that have realisation.’   

This verse highlights that affection and mercy are divine gifts and should be actively expressed in relationships. While directed here to spouses, the principle extends to family life: love is made real when it is visible and felt. 

The Prophetic Example of Mercy and Playfulness 

It is recorded in Jami at-Tirmidhi, Book 27, Hadith 27, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not of us who does not show mercy to our young and respect to our elders.’ 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ not only taught mercy but demonstrated it, often playing with children and engaging with them warmly. His example shows that affection is not diminished by playfulness; rather, it strengthens bonds. 

By combining your service with playful, visible gestures of love, you align both your intentions and your actions with prophetic guidance. This balance ensures your children grow up feeling cared for in every sense: through what you provide and through how you personally connect with them.