How to Share the Load When You’re Not the ‘Fun Parent’ 

Parenting Perspective 

The Frustration of Being the ‘Structure’ Parent 

It is very understandable to feel frustrated in this situation. When you are holding the heavier side of parenting, the structure, routines, and discipline, it can make your husband’s time with the children look like ‘fun without responsibility.’ This can leave you feeling both unseen and resentful. 

Express Your Feelings to Invite Partnership 

The key is not to dismiss your feelings but to express them in a way that invites partnership. Instead of framing it as ‘you never help,’ try describing the difference between your roles. For example, you could say, ‘I love that the children enjoy playtime with you. At the same time, I often feel like I am left with the chores and boundaries, and it would mean a lot if we could share both sides more equally.’ This shows appreciation for his presence while also drawing attention to the imbalance. 

Identify Specific Areas for Shared Ownership 

It can also help to identify specific areas where you would like more support. Rather than leaving it open-ended, agree on one or two routines that he can take ownership of bedtime preparation, homework supervision, or household tasks. This way, you are not constantly delegating in the moment, and the responsibility becomes shared rather than managed by you alone. 

Children Need to See Both Parents Set Limits 

Remember too that children benefit from seeing both parents set limits and both parents enjoy time with them. If discipline only comes from you, they may start associating you with stress and your husband with ease. By encouraging him to take part in boundaries as well, you are not only relieving your load but also balancing the children’s perception of parental roles. 

Focus on ‘Togetherness,’ Not Criticism 

Approaching this with calm honesty and specific solutions will make your request clearer and less likely to sound like criticism. It reframes the conversation from ‘you are doing it wrong’ to ‘we need to do this together.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Spouses Are for Mutual Support 

In family life, Islam emphasises balance, compassion, and shared responsibility. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 187: 

‘…As they are a veil (source of restraint from immorality) for you and you are a veil for them...’ 

This Verse reflects that spouses are meant to protect, support, and complement one another, covering each other’s needs in a balanced and caring way. It is not a picture of one carrying all the responsibility while the other enjoys ease, but of mutual support. 

True Goodness Is Active Participation 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih, Book 13, Hadith 170, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.’  

The holy Prophet ﷺ did not only engage with his family through affection and play, but he also helped with household tasks and carried responsibility in practical ways. His example shows that true goodness in the home is expressed through active participation in both care and duties. 

By raising this matter with your husband gently but clearly, you are not being ungrateful; you are seeking to align your family life with the Prophetic balance. This approach nurtures both your well-being and the children’s emotional safety, ensuring they see love and discipline shared by both parents.