How to Share Bedtime When Your Toddler Only Wants You 

Parenting Perspective 

Parent Preference Is a Normal Phase 

It is very common for toddlers to show strong preferences for one parent during certain routines, particularly bedtime. This does not mean they reject the other parent permanently, but rather that they are seeking consistency and familiarity at a time when they feel most vulnerable. Your role is to gently guide your child towards accepting both parents without making them feel that their comfort is being dismissed. 

Involve the Father in Gradual Steps 

One way to do this is to gradually involve the father in small, predictable steps. For example, you might continue to be present while your husband takes on part of the routine, such as reading a story, making Dua together, or helping with pyjamas. Over time, you can step back slowly, reassuring your child that you are nearby and that bedtime is still safe and loving. This builds trust rather than creating sudden change. 

Frame the Father’s Role as a Gift 

It also helps to frame the father’s role as a gift rather than a replacement. You might say to your toddler, ‘Baba will read you your favourite story tonight while I tuck you in after,’ which signals that both parents are part of the experience. This approach avoids the sense of rejection and instead reinforces that bedtime is a family rhythm, not a forced separation from you. 

Consistency and Patience Are Key 

Consistency is key. If the father is present and calm, and the routine remains predictable, your child will eventually feel secure with both parents. At the same time, it is important not to frame your child’s initial reluctance as misbehaviour. It is a developmental phase rooted in their attachment needs, and with patient guidance, they will grow more flexible. 

Enlarge Their Circle of Comfort 

By allowing transitions to happen gradually, you protect your toddler’s sense of safety while also nurturing a balanced relationship with both parents. 

Spiritual Insight 

Parenting Requires Mercy and Patience 

In Islam, the conduct of parents towards their children should be full of gratitude, mercy, and patience. 

Both Parents Carry Responsibility 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 14: 

‘And We (Allah Almighty) have decreed upon mankind in regard to his parents; his mother carried him (in pregnancy exposing her to) weakness upon weakness; and his dependent nourishment (from her) for two years; (thus O mankind) be grateful to Me (Allah Almighty) and to your parents, and to Me is (your ultimate) destination.’  

This Verse highlights that both parents carry responsibility in nurturing the child, even though the mother bears unique physical burdens. Gratitude is linked to both parents, reminding us that children benefit spiritually and emotionally when they feel love and security from each of them. 

Whoever Does Not Show Mercy Will Not Be Shown Mercy 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al-Mufrad, Book 19, Hadith 10, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ kissed his grandsons Hasan and Husayn, and when a companion remarked that he had many children but never kissed them, the Prophet ﷺ replied: 

‘Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’  

This Hadith shows that tenderness and mercy are central to parenting, and that fathers too must take part in expressions of love and closeness. 

Allowing the father to share bedtime routines is not just about easing your burden, but about giving your child the chance to experience the mercy and warmth of both parents. By guiding this process gently, you are not rejecting your child’s needs but enlarging their circle of comfort in a way that reflects the balance Allah Almighty has intended within families.