How to See Shared Childcare as a Blessing, Not a Threat 

Parenting Perspective 

Shared Care Enriches, It Does Not Replace 

It is natural to feel protective of the bond you have with your child, especially in the early years when attachment is forming. However, children are capable of building multiple secure relationships without it diminishing the closeness they have with you. A strong connection with grandparents does not replace you; it enriches your child’s circle of trust and support. 

Your Role as the Anchor Is Unique 

When you involve grandparents, your child is learning that love and care can be found in more than one place. This sense of community gives them resilience and comfort. Your role as the parent remains unique: you are the anchor of stability, the one who sets values, boundaries, and the daily rhythm of their life. Even if your child shows joy or comfort with grandparents, it does not reduce their need for your presence and guidance. 

Build Your Child’s Security Through Shared Care 

To shift your perspective, try to see shared care as a way of building your child’s security rather than threatening it. You can strengthen this by keeping your routines consistent. For example, you might establish a simple bedtime routine, a morning dua together, or a shared family meal that grounds your child in your presence no matter who else is involved in their care. These repeated moments will reassure you that your bond is intact. 

Accepting Help Is Not a Weakness 

It may also help to remind yourself that accepting help does not mean you are less of a parent. In fact, modelling trust and gratitude towards grandparents teaches your child about respect for elders and the value of family ties. It lightens your load, allowing you to return to your child with more patience and energy. 

Spiritual Insight 

Grandparents Play a Valuable Role 

While the primary responsibility for a child’s upbringing lies with the parents, grandparents also play a valuable role in shaping their character and teaching them values. This helps the child learn to respect others, making them less dependent and giving parents space to grow. 

The Sacred Chain of Care and Wisdom 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 14: 

‘And We (Allah Almighty) have decreed upon mankind in regard to his parents; his mother carried him (in pregnancy exposing her to) weakness upon weakness; and his dependent nourishment (from her) for two years; (thus O mankind) be grateful to Me (Allah Almighty) and to your parents, and to Me is (your ultimate) destination.’  

This Verse highlights the deep respect for the generational bond within families. Grandparents are part of this sacred chain of care and wisdom and allowing them to be part of your child’s upbringing is not a threat but a continuation of that blessing. 

Bring Mercy and Respect Alive in Your Home 

It is recorded in Jami al-Tirmidhi, Book 27, Hadith 27, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and respect to our elders.’  

By involving grandparents, you are enabling this mercy and respect to come alive within your home. 

Instead of competing attachments, shared care can be viewed as a mercy from Allah, where your child experiences love from multiple angles and you receive support in your parenting journey. By focusing on your unique role and seeing family bonds as part of Allah’s design, you can release guilt and embrace this as a source of strength.