How to Rewrite the Story When Your Child Thinks Adults Disappear 

Parenting Perspective 

Your awareness is already the first step in rewriting that story. Many parents unconsciously model a version of adulthood where sacrifice is silent and identity is surrendered. The fact that you notice all of it helps you to provide space to change your path with the help of your intention. 

Children observe how we show up in the world. If all they see is exhaustion and self-neglect, they may come to believe that love means disappearing. That duty must come at the cost of self but you can show them otherwise, without abandoning responsibility. Instead of disappearing into duty, try to bring more of yourself into it. Let your child see glimpses of what brings you to life, even in small, ordinary ways. Reconnect with something that lights you up, and let them see you enjoying it. 

Live in a Way That Does Not Erase You 

It is not about performing joy or forcing cheerfulness. It is about living in a way that does not erase you. That might mean setting boundaries, protecting one part of the week for rest, or speaking aloud when you feel proud, curious, or inspired. You can explain to your child that you love being their parent, and you also love being a person with interests, ideas, and a soul of your own. 

This rewrites the story gently. It teaches them that adulthood is not about vanishing; it is about expanding. That it is possible to carry love and duty without becoming invisible in the process. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, duty is sacred, but so is the self that carries it. The noble Qur’an presents a holistic picture of human responsibility: one that balances care for others with care for the soul. 

A Reminder That Divine Expectation is Not Self-Erasure 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), verse 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity….’ 

This Verse reminds us that the Divine expectation is not self-erasure. It is proportional, kind, and rooted in what we can truly manage. Disappearing into duty is not a requirement of faith; it is often a misreading of it. 

The Prophetic Model: Balance 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ embodied balance. It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, your own self has rights over you.

[Sahih al-Bukhari, 83:12] 

He ﷺ upheld duties with excellence, but he also rested, reflected, laughed, and lived with intentional joy. This model offers your child something profound: a way to grow into an adult who gives without vanishing. 

By embodying this balance, you offer your child a healthier script for adulthood, one in which service does not demand silence, and love does not mean disappearance.