How to Respond When Your Child Says You Love Their Sibling More 

Parenting Perspective 

It Is a Need for Reassurance, Not a Demand for Proof 

When a child expresses this kind of hurt, it is not a demand for proof; it is a need for reassurance. It can be painful to hear such words, especially when you strive to love your children equally. However, a child’s feelings are not always shaped by how much love is given, but by how it is received and interpreted in different moments. 

Pause and Offer Presence 

Resist the urge to respond with a quick ‘That is not true’ or ‘You know I love you the same.’ These may be factually correct, but they do not address the emotional experience behind the words. Instead, pause and offer presence. You might say, ‘That sounds like a very heavy feeling. Tell me what made you feel that way today.’ This opens space for them to be heard rather than dismissed. 

Reflect on the Situation Calmly 

Often, such statements arise when a child is feeling overlooked, perhaps their sibling recently received praise, extra help, or comfort in front of them. Reflect on the situation calmly. Did the child witness a moment where you were more physically present, verbally warm, or patient with their sibling? If so, this is not a failure; it is a chance to realign your child’s emotional safety. 

Connect With Personalised Love 

Once the emotion is acknowledged, find a quiet time later to connect with that child one-on-one. Offer them specific affirmations that relate to who they are, not just what they do: ‘I notice how gently you treat others,’ or ‘You are someone I learn from every day.’ Personalised love builds a sense of being cherished uniquely, not just equally. 

Avoid Comparisons, Even in Praise 

Finally, avoid using comparisons, even in praise. Statements like ‘You are better at this than your brother’ can reinforce rivalry. Instead, nurture each child’s individual identity so that they do not feel they must compete for your love. 

Spiritual Insight 

Sibling Comparison Is Not a New Challenge 

Sibling comparisons and perceived favouritism are not new challenges. Even among the children of the prophets, such tensions occurred. The noble Quran gives us examples not to copy, but to learn from. 

The Qur’anic Example of Perceived Favouritism 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Yusuf (12), Verses 8: 

‘Remember when they (the brothers) said: “Surely, (Prophet) Yusuf (AS) and his brother (Binyameen) are more beloved to our father than we are, whilst we are so many …”.’  

This Verse captures the pain the brothers of Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him) felt , whether it was true or not, the perception of unequal love led them towards jealousy and harmful choices. The Quran shows us that even the children of a prophet were not immune to these feelings, and that they must be taken seriously. 

Treat Your Children Fairly 

A parent’s duty is not only to love their children, but to make that love felt. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ demonstrated this with care and consistency.  

It is recorded in Sunan an-Nasai, Book 31, Hadith 16, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Treat your children fairly. Treat your children fairly.’  

He repeated this, reinforcing that justice in how love is shown is a matter of both emotional safety and Islamic principle. 

By listening with patience, responding with compassion, and adjusting how love is expressed, a parent does more than deny a claim; they rebuild trust and restore a child’s sense of belonging.