How to Respond When Your Child Runs to the Other Parent 

Parenting Perspective 

They Are Seeking Reassurance, Not a Change of Rule 

This is a very real struggle for many parents. It can feel discouraging when you set a limit or give a correction, only to see your child run to your spouse for comfort. It may seem as though your authority is being undermined, but often what the child is really seeking is reassurance, not a change of the rule. Children naturally look for comfort in moments of frustration or sadness, and they sometimes use the other parent as a safe outlet. 

Comfort Should Not Turn Into Contradiction 

The key is to make sure comfort does not turn into contradiction. You and your spouse can agree privately that rules or boundaries are not reversed in those moments. Instead, the parent offering comfort can acknowledge the child’s feelings while gently reinforcing the decision. For example, your spouse might say, ‘I know you are upset that Mum asked you to tidy up, and it is hard when you do not feel like it. But it is still important to listen, and I will sit with you until you feel ready to do it.’ This way, the child feels seen and comforted without the boundary being weakened. 

Reconnect With Warmth 

It can also help if the parent who set the limit later reconnects with the child in a warm way, showing that correction does not mean withdrawal of love. This reassures the child that both parents are on the same page, and that discipline and affection can exist side by side. When children see this consistency, they stop using comfort-seeking as a tool to pit parents against one another. 

Spiritual Insight 

Balance Mercy With Firmness 

Islam gives us a model of balance between mercy and firmness. Parents are shepherds over their children, guiding them with both care and structure. Children need to see that love remains steady even when they are corrected.  

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah At-Taghabun (64), Verse 16: 

‘So, seek piety from Allah (Almighty) with your utmost capacity, and listen and obey, and spend for yourselves with what is goodness; and whoever is saved from the miserliness of soul, then those are the victorious people.’  

This Verse teaches that obedience is tied to self-discipline and responsibility, but it is framed within the wider context of mercy and fearing Allah to the best of one’s ability. Parents can mirror this balance when they combine firmness with compassion. 

Mercy Is Never Separated From Guidance 

It is recorded in Jami al-Tirmidhi, Book 27, Hadith 27, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and respect to our elders.’ 

This shows that mercy is never to be separated from guidance. A parent can correct a child, while another offers comfort, and both together reflect the balance of justice and compassion. 

By aligning your approach, you model for your child that rules are not expressions of anger, but part of a loving and united structure. This helps them feel both secure in boundaries and cherished in love.