How to Regain Your Child’s Trust After Being Harsh 

Parenting Perspective 

Regaining your child’s trust after a long time of harshness requires patience, humility, and consistency. It is natural to hope that once you change your approach, your child will quickly respond with warmth. However, trust is not restored overnight; it is built slowly through repeated experiences of safety, gentleness, and reliability and this takes time. 

Acknowledge the Past 

Begin by acknowledging the past in clear, age-appropriate language. Saying something like, ‘I know I was harsh before, and I am sorry. I am trying to do better now,’ shows your child that you are not ignoring their hurt. Avoid asking them to quickly forgive or ‘move on,’ because this can make them feel that their feelings are being rushed aside. Instead, give them space to process, while showing through your actions that your change is sincere. 

Consistency is the Foundation 

Consistency is the foundation. If you remain calm in moments where you once would have reacted harshly, your child will begin to see that you are truly different. Small, everyday gestures of kindness, listening without interrupting, respecting their emotions, and showing affection, are what convince a child that your change is real. When they test boundaries or even reject your attempts at connection, do not take it personally. That is part of them checking if they can really trust this ‘new’ you. 

Finally, model patience with yourself as well. Change in parenting is not about perfection but about steady effort. When you slip, acknowledge it quickly and recommit. Over time, your child will learn that your love is dependable, even if the road back to trust feels gradual. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam reminds us that hearts are softened not through force but through mercy and humility. Trust cannot be demanded; it is nurtured with sincerity and compassion. Time is required for an individual to rebuilt trust on someone. 

A Reminder That Restraint is a Quality of Goodness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This Verse connects restraint, forgiveness, and goodness. Just as you hope your child will eventually pardon you, you are called to first embody restraint and goodness towards them, proving your sincerity through action rather than expectation. 

The Prophetic Model: Strength is Self-Mastery 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who can overpower others. The strong person is the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

[Al Adab Al Mufrad,57:1] 

This hadith reminds us that strength in parenting is not shown through control or harshness but through self-mastery and patience. By consistently showing restraint, you teach your child that love in Islam is rooted in mercy, not fear. 

Rebuilding trust after harshness is a journey of living these values daily. With time, patience, and reliance on Allah Almighty, your child will feel safe enough to open their heart again, at their own pace, with sincerity.