How to Reconcile the Need to Feel Seen With the Desire to Serve 

Parenting Perspective 

The Tension Between Service and Feeling Seen 

Many parents, especially mothers, carry this quiet tension: they give out of love, out of duty, and out of faith, but when the giving goes unacknowledged, a longing appears. Then the guilt sets in: Should I even want to be appreciated? Should it not be enough that I am serving my family for the sake of Allah? These are sincere questions, but they often lead a parent to dismiss their emotional needs instead of understanding them. 

Wanting Appreciation Is Human, Not a Weakness 

Wanting appreciation does not make you weak or ungrateful. It makes you human. The need to feel seen is not a failure of faith, it is part of how Allah has created us. Connection, validation, and gratitude are basic human needs. When a parent gives relentlessly without any sign that their effort matters, it is not self-centred to feel unseen, it is a natural response. 

Communicate Your Needs Calmly and Clearly 

The key is not to silence the need, but to understand where it fits within your parenting. You are not seeking praise to boost your ego; you are seeking acknowledgement as a form of emotional replenishment. One way to navigate this is to communicate your needs clearly but calmly. For example, in a moment of connection with your spouse or children, you might say, ‘I love doing things for the family, but sometimes I feel like the effort behind it goes unnoticed. A simple thank you would really uplift me.’ 

Model Awareness and Widen Your Circle 

You are not demanding praise. You are modelling emotional awareness, something your children also need to learn. When they see you naming your needs respectfully, they begin to understand that care is not one-directional. At the same time, consider where you are placing your expectations. If the people around you are not offering appreciation, is there another source of connection, a trusted friend, a fellow parent, or even a journal where you reflect on what you are proud of? External validation may come slowly, but internal recognition can begin right away. 

Spiritual Insight 

Sincerity Does Not Require Erasing Your Emotions 

In Islam, the intention to serve your family for the sake of Allah is deeply honoured. But sincerity does not require that you erase your emotional self. There is space in Islam to give with intention and to feel comfort when that giving is acknowledged. 

A Balance of Intention and Emotional Reality 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Insaan (76), Verses 8–9: 

‘And donate food, despite their own desire for nourishment, to the needy and the orphans and those held in captivity. Indeed, (they say in their hearts): “We are only feeding you for the sake of Allah (Almighty); we do not seek from you any reward or any gratitude”.’  

This Verse is often cited to promote selfless service, and rightly so. But notice: the people mentioned express their intention clearly. They are not repressing a need. They are stating it consciously, we are not doing this for recognition. That clarity is what gives them peace. For a parent, this Verse can be a guide. It reminds you that when your intention is for Allah, your reward is guaranteed, even if others do not see it. But it also gives you language: you are allowed to feel the desire for appreciation, while choosing not to be driven by it. That is a mature balance between your spiritual sincerity and your emotional reality. 

Thanking People Is Part of Thanking Allah 

It is recorded in Jami al-Tirmidhi, Book 37, Hadith 98, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever does not thank people has not thanked Allah.’ 

This Hadith confirms that appreciation between people is not separate from Deen, it is part of it. When you feel unseen, you are not being petty. You are recognising a lack of something the Prophet ﷺ taught us to uphold. 

So, if you long to be appreciated, it does not mean your intentions are flawed. It means your heart is working hard, and like every heart, it needs to be seen. That need is not a weakness. It is a truth that Islam already makes space for.