How to Reassure Both Kids When One Needs More Time 

Parenting Perspective 

It Is About Different Needs, Not More Love 

This is a very real struggle for many parents, because the needs of children shift as they grow. Teenagers often require more guidance with homework and schoolwork, while younger children are still in the stage where they crave visible, playful, and direct attention. When one child sees you giving longer stretches of time to the other, it is easy for them to interpret it as ‘more love,’ when in reality it is about different needs. 

Set Expectations in Advance 

One way to manage this is by setting expectations in advance. Before sitting with your teenager, take a few minutes to connect with your younger child in a way that feels meaningful to them. This could be a short game, a cuddle, or reading a page of a story. Even a five-minute ritual can give them reassurance that they matter. By setting the stage, the younger one knows you will spend focused time together, even if the teenager is taking more practical hours. 

Use Language That Separates Needs From Love 

It can also help to use language that separates needs from love. For example, you might say, ‘Your brother needs my help with homework now, and later you and I will do something together. My love for you is always the same.’ Consistency in these words, paired with follow-through in action, helps build trust. 

Create Small, Shared Family Moments 

Another helpful approach is to create small, shared family moments where both children feel included. For example, after homework is done, you might bring the younger child into a simple activity like making tea or setting the table together. These moments reassure them that even when time is divided, family connections are still shared. 

Your Love Is Steady, Even if Your Time Is Divided 

By balancing small but consistent reassurance with clear explanations, you show both children that your love is steady, even if your time has to be divided differently. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice Is Not Sameness 

Islam provides us with a beautiful framework for fairness in family life. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice; indeed, the enlightened direction to you from Allah (Almighty) is (a beneficial) endowment; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is All Hearing and All Seeing.’  

This Verse reminds us that justice is not sameness but giving each person what they are due in that moment. For children, that means responding to their needs with balance, not necessarily with equal time in every situation. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

Justice here means ensuring that each child feels seen and cared for in ways that suit their stage of life. By explaining to your younger child that homework support is a responsibility while playtime is their own special bond, you embody justice in practice. 

When children see fairness paired with warmth, they gradually learn that parental love is not measured in hours, but in the steadiness of care and presence. This understanding nurtures trust in both your relationship with them and in the values of justice that Islam teaches.