How to Reassure a Toddler When a New Baby Needs You 

Parenting Perspective 

Crying Is a Request for Reassurance 

It is natural for a toddler to feel unsettled when a new sibling arrives. What your toddler is expressing through crying is not dislike for the baby, but fear of losing your attention and place in your heart. The crying is a request for reassurance, not simply misbehaviour. 

Prepare Your Toddler and Give Predictability 

One helpful approach is to prepare your toddler before you tend to the baby. For example, you might say, ‘I need to feed the baby now, and after that, it will be your turn for a cuddle.’ This gives your toddler predictability and shows that their turn is coming. Toddlers thrive on clear, repeated routines, so keeping your promises about ‘their turn’ will help them feel secure. 

Involve Your Toddler to Foster Inclusion 

You can also look for ways to involve your toddler while you care for the baby. Giving them a small role, such as passing you a nappy, singing softly, or patting the baby’s blanket, helps them feel important rather than excluded. If they see themselves as part of the baby’s care, they are less likely to feel replaced. 

Create Focused One-on-One Moments 

At the same time, it is valuable to build short but focused moments with your toddler every day, even if it is only a few minutes of undivided attention. This could be reading a quick story, sitting on your lap, or chatting while you cook. These small moments reassure them that they still have a special place with you, separate from the baby. 

Meeting One Child’s Need Is Not Neglect 

Balancing two children’s needs will never feel perfectly equal, but if your toddler knows that you see and value them, the crying will gradually lessen. Your guilt is a sign of your love but remember that meeting one child’s need in a moment does not mean you are neglecting the other. 

Spiritual Insight 

Strive for Fairness, Not Identical Treatment 

As parents, it is easy to feel pulled apart when two children call for us at once. Islam reminds us that every child is a trust, and part of that trust is recognising that each has different needs at different times. Our task is not to provide identical treatment, but to strive for fairness in how we care for them. 

Children Are a Sacred Trust 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verse 27: 

‘O you who are believers, do not ever be pretentious (in following the commandment) of Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ); and do not misappropriate what has been entrusted upon you, whilst you know (the consequences of such actions).’  

Children are part of this sacred trust. When you respond to your baby with care and your toddler with reassurance, you are honouring their individual rights. Fairness here means giving to each child according to what Allah has placed in their stage of life, not measuring out equal minutes of attention. 

Fairness Does Not Mean Sameness 

It is recorded in Sunan an-Nasai, Book 31, Hadith 16, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Treat your children fairly.’  

Scholars explain that fairness does not mean sameness but recognising the rightful share of each child. For one, that may be feeding and protection, and for the other, comfort and listening. 

When you hold this perspective, the guilt begins to soften. You are not neglecting one child when you meet the needs of the other. You are fulfilling your responsibility with balance, guided by mercy. By consciously reassuring your toddler while caring for your baby, you embody fairness in action and show both children that your love is abundant, not divided.