How to Reassure a Child Who Feels Things Are Unfair 

Parenting Perspective 

‘You’re Unfair’ Often Means ‘I Feel Left Out’ 

When a child says, ‘You are unfair,’ they are often really saying, ‘I feel left out.’ For a parent, the challenge is not only to explain practical realities but also to reassure the child emotionally. It helps to acknowledge their feelings first, rather than rushing into explanations. You might say, ‘I hear that you feel I gave your sister more of my time today. That must have felt upsetting for you.’ By doing this, you show that their emotions matter, which builds security. 

Acknowledge First, Then Give Context 

After acknowledging, give context without defensiveness. For example, ‘Today your brother needed help with homework, so I spent extra time with him. Tomorrow, I will give you time for your project.’ This helps the child understand that unequal moments do not mean unequal love. A parent can also create small signals of connection, such as a hug, a note, or a short check-in, to remind the child that they are still seen even on days when time is less. 

Highlight the Uniqueness of Your Bond 

Another useful approach is to highlight the uniqueness of your bond with each child. Tell them, ‘I love you for who you are, and the time we spend together is just for us.’ This reassures them that love is not measured by minutes but by the depth of care and presence. 

They Will Remember Feeling Valued, Not Equal Minutes 

Over time, children learn that family life involves flexibility. What they carry most into adulthood is not whether everything was mathematically equal, but whether they consistently felt valued and secure in their parent’s love. 

Spiritual Insight 

True Fairness Is About Intention and Sincerity 

The noble Quran reminds us that true fairness lies not only in distribution but also in intention and sincerity. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (approach in positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty….’  

This verse shows that fairness is not only about dividing resources equally, but about upholding justice and goodness in all dealings. For parents, that means ensuring that every child feels respected, cared for, and safe, even if circumstances require different amounts of time or attention on a particular day. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

Scholars explain that justice includes not showing favouritism in love, gifts, or treatment. However, justice does not always mean identical actions. It means ensuring that each child’s needs are met and that each one feels loved without preference. 

By showing your children that your decisions come from a place of fairness, mercy, and awareness of their individual needs, you guide them towards understanding that your love is steady and not based on comparisons. In this way, you model both emotional security and the Islamic principle of justice, allowing your children to grow with hearts that trust your love and the mercy of Allah.