How to Reassure a Child When Affection Looks Different 

Parenting Perspective 

A Need for Reassurance 

It is painful when a child begins to question your love, and even more so when their perception is tied to something as simple as hugs. For a child, love is often measured through visible actions, so if she sees her brother receiving more physical affection, she may interpret it as evidence of being less valued. This does not mean you are failing as a parent; it means she is voicing her need for reassurance in the way she understands love. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings Without Dismissal 

The first step is to acknowledge her feelings without dismissal. Instead of saying, ‘Of course I love you,’ which might feel like a correction, you could respond, ‘I hear that you feel I love him more, and that must feel hard for you. I love you just as much, but I sometimes show it in different ways.’ This validates her emotions while gently opening a conversation about how people express love differently. 

Ask What Makes Her Feel Loved 

You can also invite her to tell you what kind of affection makes her feel most loved. It might be hugs, but it could also be having uninterrupted time with you, words of affirmation, or shared activities. Making small adjustments to give her love in her preferred way can reassure her heart without taking away from her brother’s needs. 

Narrate Your Love Aloud 

It is also helpful to narrate aloud when you are showing care. For instance, if you help with her homework or listen to her stories, you can say, ‘This is one of the ways I show you I love you.’ This gives her a broader understanding that love is not limited to physical touch. Over time, she will feel more secure knowing that your love is steady, even if it looks different in expression. 

Spiritual Insight 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

Islam teaches us that fairness and reassurance are part of nurturing children.  

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim (Hadith 1623) that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This Hadith reminds parents that justice is not only about material gifts but also about how love and affection are distributed. Being just does not always mean being identical, but it does mean being intentional in ensuring every child feels valued. 

Make Peace Between Your Brothers 

Allah Almighty also reminds us in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’  

This Verse emphasises the importance of harmony in relationships, beginning within the family. By consciously showing your daughter that your love is constant and teaching her that each person may receive affection in ways suited to them, you are planting the seeds of both justice and mercy in your home. 

In practice, this means balancing attention and making visible efforts to reassure each child in a way that speaks to their heart. Over time, your daughter will learn that love is not diminished by being shared but is made stronger when expressed with fairness and clarity.