How to Read ‘Forgetting a Kit’ as Avoidance, Not Carelessness 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child repeatedly forgets something like a school kit, it is easy to assume they are being careless. However, the root cause is often avoidance, anxiety, or feeling overwhelmed. What looks like defiance can be a signal that your child is struggling with a particular task or situation. Recognising this distinction is key to responding with guidance instead of punishment. 

Observe Patterns and Triggers 

Observe if there is a pattern to forgetfulness. Does it happen on days with a certain subject, or on particularly busy mornings? You could say, ‘I have noticed it is harder to remember your kit on busy days. Let us think about why that might be’. This helps you investigate the emotional trigger rather than assuming it is deliberate. 

Validate While Coaching 

Approach the issue with empathy, separating the action from your child’s character. Say, ‘Forgetting things happens, and it does not mean you are a careless person’. Then, work together to create practical strategies like a checklist by the door or a packing routine. This empowers your child without shaming them. 

Offer Incremental Responsibility 

Start small by giving them responsibility for just one item at a time. As their confidence grows, you can gradually increase their tasks. Offer positive reinforcement for every success, no matter how minor. This helps them build a sense of accountability and reduces the anxiety that often leads to avoidance. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam emphasises patience and guidance. It teaches us to recognise a child’s struggles rather than judging them hastily. A gentle coaching approach reflects the prophetic way of nurturing a child’s practical and moral growth. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 17: 

‘“O my son, establish your prayers, and (seek to) promote positivity, and (seek to) diminish negativity; and be patient with what afflictions you come across…”.’ 

In this verse, Luqman advises his son to be patient with life’s challenges. This is a powerful reminder for parents to also be patient while guiding their children, especially when they are struggling with a difficult habit. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 371, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy to others, will not be shown mercy.’ 

This hadith links showing mercy to receiving it. When we see a child’s forgetfulness as a sign of avoidance and respond with empathy instead of anger, we are showing mercy. This approach cultivates trust and teaches responsibility without causing fear or resentment.