How to Protect Your Kids When Relatives Name a ‘Favourite’ 

Parenting Perspective 

Redirect the Moment and Reaffirm Your Love 

When children overhear relatives speculating about ‘favourites,’ it can leave deep feelings of insecurity, even if you have never intended to show preference. A parent’s role is to protect their children from the sting of comparison by both redirecting the moment and reaffirming love afterwards. 

Respond Calmly but Firmly 

In the moment, you can respond calmly but firmly to relatives by saying something like, ‘All of my children are a blessing in different ways.’ This not only deflects the comment but also models to your children that you will defend their dignity. Avoid laughing along with such remarks, as children may interpret that as agreement. 

Reassure Each Child Individually 

Once the gathering is over, take time with each child individually. Let them hear directly from you that your love is not measured by comparisons or external comments. For example, you might say, ‘I know people sometimes talk about favourites, but in our home, every child is special in their own way.’ This creates a safe space for them to ask questions or share any hurt feelings. 

Show Fairness Through Daily Actions 

Day-to-day actions are just as important. Small gestures of fairness, such as involving each child in conversation, asking their opinions, or showing appreciation for their unique qualities, help to balance out any seeds of doubt that careless comments may plant. It is not about identical treatment but about each child feeling seen for who they are. 

Your Children’s Worth Is Not Up for Debate 

By being consistent in both private reassurance and public defence, you are sending a powerful message: your children’s worth is not up for debate or comparison, no matter what others may say. 

Spiritual Insight 

Fairness Between Children Is a Deep Responsibility 

Islam places great emphasis on fairness between children, recognising how deeply favouritism can wound. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This hadith highlights that justice is not only about material gifts but about emotional fairness and visible care. Children should feel equally valued in both words and actions. 

Careless Words Do Not Define Their Value 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them...’ 

This Verse reminds us that comparisons and ridicule harm dignity, and no one can judge true worth except Allah. Teaching your children this principle can help them understand that the careless words of others do not define their value. 

By addressing harmful comments with dignity, showing warmth consistently, and rooting your approach in Islamic values of justice and mercy, you create a shield around your children’s hearts. They will learn that while others may compare, within your love and within the sight of Allah, they are all honoured and cherished.