How to Praise Your Kids Without Causing Comparison 

Parenting Perspective 

Affirm Each Child’s Individual Journey 

It is natural for children to notice how much praise a sibling receives and to measure their own worth against it. What feels like encouragement to one child can feel like exclusion to another. The key is to recognise that praise is not only about rewarding the result but also about affirming the child’s individual journey. 

Broaden What You Celebrate 

One practical step is to broaden what you celebrate. If one child is praised for effort in schoolwork, the other might be acknowledged for kindness to a sibling, perseverance in learning a new skill, or even showing patience in a challenging moment. By intentionally naming and valuing different strengths, you teach both children that achievement is not limited to one arena. 

Separate Private and Public Praise 

It is also helpful to separate private and public praise. If one child excels in a way that might make the other feel overshadowed, offer detailed praise privately, while keeping public recognition balanced. This prevents constant comparison and allows each child to feel noticed in a safe space. 

Shift Your Language Towards Growth and Effort 

You can also shift the language of praise from ‘better’ or ‘more’ towards growth and effort. Phrases like, ‘I saw how hard you worked on that,’ or ‘I appreciate the care you showed,’ focus attention on personal progress rather than competition. Over time, children learn that being celebrated is about sincerity and effort, not comparison with a sibling. 

Ensure Both Children Receive Regular Acknowledgement 

Finally, ensure that both children receive regular, everyday acknowledgement. This does not mean equal praise at every moment, but ensuring that across the week, each child hears that their qualities, actions, and presence matter. This builds a deeper sense of being seen and valued, which reduces the urge to compete for attention. 

Spiritual Insight 

Value Is Not Measured by Comparison 

In Islam, fairness does not mean giving each child the exact same thing at every moment but giving each one what is rightfully theirs according to need and circumstance. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘…Indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is the Omniscient, the all Cognisant.’  

This Verse reminds us that value is not measured by comparison with others, but by sincerity and righteousness in one’s own efforts. Applied to parenting, it means helping children understand that their worth is not diminished by another’s achievement, because Allah values everyone based on their own actions. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’ 

This Hadith emphasises that a parent’s role is to act with fairness, which includes ensuring each child feels loved and acknowledged. Being just can mean recognising each child in the way that suits them best, rather than using one standard of achievement for all. 

By celebrating different strengths and praising sincerely without comparison, you help each child feel seen in their own right. This approach not only reduces jealousy but also builds the understanding that fairness in a family is about justice, not competition.