How to Practise Sabr Without Suppressing Your Exhaustion 

Parenting Perspective 

Patience in parenting is often misunderstood. It is not the absence of frustration or the ability to calmly smile through exhaustion. Actual Sabr is the art of holding steady, even when everything inside you feels unraveling and thin. Many parents get wrong in believing that Sabr means ignoring their limits, suppressing their emotions, or pretending they are okay when they are not.  That is quiet self-abandonment, and it is not called Sabr.  

Patience is not silence or perfection. It is pacing your reaction while still honouring your human experience. 

What Real Sabr Looks Like in Parenting 

Sabr is choosing pause over explosion

You might feel anger bubbling in your chest, but instead of snapping, you walk away for thirty seconds. That is called Sabr. You are not suppressing emotion; you are redirecting it. 

Sabr is asking for help without guilt

Recognising that your capacity is low and requesting a break, a breather, or backup from your spouse is not a weakness. It is a boundary that prevents burnout, and a form of Sabr rooted in awareness, not denial. 

Sabr is speaking your truth kindly

Telling your child, ‘Mummy is feeling really tired right now. I need a little time before I can help,’ is not failure. It is honesty with dignity that teaches your child that emotions can be real and respectful at the same time. 

Sabr is not stuffing emotions , it is stewarding them

If you try to force patience by locking everything inside, your body will keep the score. Sabr grows when you allow space to feel, cry, grieve, or vent safely, without pouring that storm onto your child. 

Patience does not mean you do not feel tired. It means you are doing your best despite being tired. That is one of the most honourable forms of parenting. 

Spiritual Insight 

Sabr is not a mask you wear to look composed. It is a sacred muscle, grown quietly in the depths of hardship. It is not incompatible with exhaustion. In fact, the noble Quran acknowledges the overlap of pain and patience again and again, especially for those who are caregiving, suffering, or in prolonged states of trial. 

A Reminder That Allah is with the Patient 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), verse 153: 

“O those of you who are believers, seek assistance (from Allah Almighty) through resilience and prayer, indeed, Allah (Almighty) is with those that are resilient.” 

Notice that Allah Almighty does not say, ‘Allah is with the perfect’ or ‘the ones who never struggle.’ He says, with the patient, the ones still standing, still trying, even when every fibre is tired. This means that every effort of an individual is considered, and consistency is appreciated.  

The Prophetic Model: Sabr at the First Stroke 

It is recorded in Sunan Abi Dawud that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“Sabr is at the first stroke of a calamity.” 

[Sunan Abi Dawud, 3113] 

This means patience begins not after things have calmed down, but in the moment, we feel most shaken. When your child is melting down and you are barely holding it together, your restraint, even imperfect, is an act of deep Sabr. 

So do not confuse exhaustion with failure. You are not meant to erase your feelings to be patient. You are meant to hold them gently, speak to them kindly, and let your faith carry what your strength cannot. That too, is Sabr, and Allah sees it all.