How to Nurture a Younger Child’s Independence 

Parenting Perspective 

Imitation Is the First Step to Independence 

It is very common for younger children to copy their older siblings. This is part of how they learn and test out the world. While it can feel concerning when your younger child seems to lack their own ideas, imitation is often the first step towards developing independence. Your role is to gently guide them from copying into exploring their own preferences and abilities, without making comparisons that leave them feeling less capable. 

Give Them Space for Independent Choices 

One way to support this is by giving your younger child space to make small, independent choices that are not tied to their sibling. For example, you could ask, ‘Would you like the red cup or the blue cup?’ or ‘Which story shall we read tonight?’ These small decisions build confidence. At the same time, praise them specifically for their own efforts rather than in comparison to their sibling. A simple, ‘I like the way you thought of that idea’ helps them feel seen for themselves. 

Create Opportunities for a Unique Role 

It also helps to create opportunities where the younger child has their own role or responsibility in the family. Even small tasks, like being the one to water a plant or hand out napkins, signal that they have something unique to contribute. Over time, this builds a sense of worth that is not dependent on what the older sibling does. 

Avoid Shaming Them for Copying 

Be mindful to avoid shaming or criticising them for copying. Instead, frame it positively: ‘I see you like to do what your brother does, that shows you admire him. Now, let us also see what you enjoy.’ This way, your child feels encouraged to explore rather than corrected for imitating. 

Spiritual Insight 

Every Child Carries Honour and Value 

Islam reminds us that every child is created with their own unique qualities and strengths. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 70: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have honoured the descendants of Adam; and fostered them over the land and the sea; and provided sustenance for them with purified nourishment; and We gave them preferential treatment over many of those (species) We have created with special privileges.’ 

This Verse is a reminder that each child carries honour and value from Allah, regardless of their differences or similarities to others. 

Treat Your Children Fairly 

It is recorded in Sunan an-Nasai, Book 31, Hadith 16, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Treat your children fairly.’  

Scholars explain this not only as fairness in material things, but also in affection, attention, and respect for their individuality. By ensuring each child feels equally valued, you protect them from feelings of inferiority while guiding them towards their own path. 

Encouraging your younger child’s independence does not mean forcing separation from their siblings but rather affirming their unique identity alongside their admiration. When you nurture this balance, you model fairness and allow both children to grow up with security, love, and confidence.