How to Nurture a Middle Child’s Unique Identity 

Parenting Perspective 

Affirm Their Individuality 

Middle children often feel that their role in the family is undefined. The eldest may be praised for achievements and responsibility, while the youngest often receives affection and leniency. The middle child, meanwhile, may quietly search for a sense of belonging and identity. As a parent, you can help them build this identity by affirming their individuality and ensuring they feel recognised in their own right. 

Intentionally Notice and Name Their Qualities 

Start by intentionally noticing and naming their qualities. Instead of comparing them to siblings, highlight specific strengths such as creativity, humour, empathy, or problem-solving. Tell them, ‘I love the way you bring joy to the room,’ or ‘You have a special gift for noticing when someone needs help.’ This reinforces their value without placing them in competition with others. 

Create Opportunities That Belong Uniquely to Them 

Create opportunities that belong uniquely to them. Give them age-appropriate responsibilities or activities that allow them to shine independently, not just in relation to what their siblings are doing. Whether it is helping you in a specific task, developing a hobby, or making a family decision, these moments affirm that they have a role that no one else fills. 

Avoid Labelling Your Children 

Be mindful of the language you use with your child. Avoid labelling your children by roles such as ‘the clever one’ or ‘the baby,’ as this unintentionally boxes them in. Instead, celebrate a range of qualities across all your children so that identity is not narrowed to a single trait. 

Spend One-on-One Time 

Finally, spend one-to-one time with your middle child. These moments tell them that they are seen, loved, and valued simply for being themselves, not only for standing out among siblings. 

Spiritual Insight 

Every Individual Is Honoured by Allah 

Islam teaches that every individual has unique worth and is honoured by Allah in their own right. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Israa (17), Verse 70: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have honoured the descendants of Adam; and fostered them over the land and the sea; and provided sustenance for them with purified nourishment; and We gave them preferential treatment over many of those (species) We have created with special privileges.’  

This Verse reminds us that dignity is not earned by being first or last but is inherent in every human being. Your middle child’s value is not reduced by her position in the family. She is honoured by Allah as an individual, and it is part of your duty to help her feel that dignity within the home. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

Justice here means recognising each child’s individuality and ensuring they feel valued for who they are. Being just does not mean treating them identically but nurturing each child’s unique gifts and supporting them in discovering their strengths. 

By affirming your middle child’s distinct qualities, avoiding comparisons, and creating space for them to thrive, you align your parenting with the Islamic principle of justice and honour. This helps your child grow with confidence, knowing that their worth does not depend on sibling roles but on the unique identity Allah has blessed them with.