How to Model Forgiveness When You Struggle With It 

Parenting Perspective 

Show Sincerity, Not Perfection 

This is a question that many parents face because children are quick to notice when words and actions do not fully align. What matters is not showing perfection but showing sincerity. Forgiveness is a process, and being honest about that process can itself be a powerful model for your child. 

Explain That Forgiveness Is a Process 

You can explain to your child that forgiveness does not always happen instantly. A parent might say, ‘It is hard for me to let go when I feel hurt, but I am trying, and I want us both to keep learning to forgive.’ This shows your child that forgiveness is an effort, not a performance. It also gives them permission to admit when it feels difficult, while still aiming towards it. 

Model Forgiveness Through Small, Visible Steps 

You can also model forgiveness by taking small visible steps. For example, if you feel hurt by someone, avoid speaking harshly about them in front of your child. Instead, show them that you are working towards letting go, perhaps by making Dua for that person or choosing not to dwell on the hurt. Your child will notice that forgiveness is less about denying feelings and more about choosing mercy over resentment. 

A Realistic Example Is Best 

By showing your child both the struggle and the effort, you are giving them a realistic example of what it means to live the values you are teaching. 

Spiritual Insight 

Forgiveness Is a Mark of Strength 

Islam acknowledges that forgiveness can be challenging, but it elevates it as a mark of true strength and closeness to Allah. 

Forgiveness Is an Act of Courage and Faith 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verses 43: 

‘And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.’  

These Verses show that forgiveness is not weakness but an act of courage and faith. Forgiving when one is wronged is described as a quality of those who possess determination and trust in Allah’s reward. 

Forgiveness Brings Honour From Allah 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Book 45, Hadith 90, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Charity does not decrease wealth, no one forgives another except that Allah increases him in honour, and no one humbles himself for the sake of Allah except that Allah raises him in status.’ 

This hadith highlights that forgiveness is not about losing dignity but about gaining honour with Allah. By sharing this with your child, you can explain that even when forgiveness is hard, it brings strength, peace, and reward. 

When you admit to your child that you too are practising forgiveness, you are not showing weakness. You are showing them the reality of striving in faith, where effort and sincerity matter as much as the outcome. This helps your child see forgiveness not as forced words but as a lived journey that both parent and child are on together.