How to Model Fairness and Nurture Peace Between Siblings 

Parenting Perspective 

Fairness Is Not Identical Treatment 

Your concern reflects the deep awareness that children are constantly observing how you treat them. Even small differences can feel significant to them because children measure fairness not only by what you say, but by how you act. The good news is that fairness does not mean treating each child in exactly the same way; it means giving each what they need in a way that shows consistency, balance, and care. 

Be Mindful of Your Responses 

One practical step is to be mindful of your responses. If one child receives gentle correction and the other a firm one, explain the difference clearly: ‘I spoke more firmly because this situation was more serious, but I love you both equally.’ Small clarifications like these prevent children from making their own conclusions about favouritism. 

Involve Your Children in Decisions 

You can also involve your children in decisions where possible. For example, if one is upset about a privilege, ask, ‘What do you think is fair?’ Allowing them to share their perspective teaches them that fairness is about understanding, not competing. Rotating roles in family tasks, sharing time individually with each child, and balancing praise for different strengths all send the message that fairness is active and intentional. 

Acknowledge Your Mistakes Openly 

When mistakes happen, acknowledge them openly: ‘I realise I gave your sister more attention just now. I will make sure to spend time with you too.’ Such humility strengthens trust and shows your children that fairness is something you are committed to modelling, even when imperfect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Fairness Is Justice and Mercy 

As parents, it is natural to worry about fairness, but Islam gives us both clarity and reassurance on this matter. Our faith reminds us that fairness is not about sameness, but about justice, mercy, and intentional balance. 

Justice Is a Command From Allah 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah An-Nahl (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).’  

This Verse reminds us that justice is a command from Allah, and within the home, justice is expressed in how parents deal with their children. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This Hadith gives parents a clear directive: fairness in treatment is not optional but an act of obedience to Allah. Importantly, justice does not mean identical responses, but rather measured, thoughtful care that meets each child’s needs without neglecting another. 

When you apply this principle, your children learn that fairness in Islam is tied to justice and compassion, not comparison. This nurtures peace in the home while also grounding your parenting in the guidance of the Quran and Sunnah.