How to Model Both Strength and Softness for Your Sons 

Parenting Perspective 

This question touches on something many parents grapple with. Boys often receive mixed messages from society: some voices push them to ‘be tough’ and suppress their emotions, while others encourage expressiveness but leave out the value of responsibility and resilience. As a parent, your role is not to choose one over the other, but to weave both qualities together in a balanced way. 

Practically, you model strength when you show consistency, keep your promises, uphold boundaries, and face challenges without giving up. Your sons will watch how you handle pressure at work, within the family, or in times of difficulty. If you remain calm, fair, and steady, they will learn that true strength is about reliability and discipline, not aggression. 

Model Softness 

You model softness when you show care, express affection, apologise when wrong, and listen attentively. Boys who experience tenderness from their father learn that empathy is not weakness. Something as simple as kneeling to their level when they speak, or expressing gratitude when they help, builds their emotional intelligence. 

A parent can also combine both qualities at the same time. For example, when setting a boundary, you can be firm in the rule but gentle in your tone. Or when your child makes a mistake, you can hold them accountable but also reassure them that they are loved. This duality teaches them that strength and softness are not opposites but complements. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.’ 

This Verse highlights that believers carry themselves with dignity and humility. It reflects strength in self-control and softness in their response. Teaching your sons this balance is to root their character in both firmness and compassion. 

The Prophetic Model: The Best Example 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who overcomes others by force, but the strong man is the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

[Sahih al-Bukhari, 78:141] 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ himself was the best example of combining strength and softness. He led with courage, yet he also showed affection, mercy, and gentleness, even to children. 

By modelling steadiness in principles and tenderness in relationships, you give your sons a living example of what healthy Muslim manhood looks like. In time, they will learn that strength without softness becomes harshness, and softness without strength becomes fragility. Together, these qualities form the balanced character that Islam calls us to embody.