How to Model Balance When You Feel None 

Parenting Perspective 

You Have Influence, Even Within Imbalance 

Your concern reflects both love for your children and a strong sense of responsibility towards what they learn from your home. Children absorb lessons not only from what is said, but from what is consistently lived and what they have seen in their surroundings. If they see you exhausted, always giving, while their father’s involvement is confined to his availability, then they may indeed carry skewed expectations of parenting roles. It is a benefit that you have influence over how balance is demonstrated, even if you do not feel it yet. 

Build Balance Through Communication 

Begin by naming what you need. Balance does not appear on its own; it is built through communication. Calmly share with your husband that you want the children to grow up seeing parenting as a shared duty in which both parents play roles. This is not about keeping score, but about forming their vision of what your children view as normal family life. Suggest small, specific routines where their father takes responsibility without being asked. Even one consistent responsibility, such as bedtime or school runs, shows children that both parents have roles in their care. 

Model Self-Respect and Healthy Boundaries 

At the same time, model self-respect. When you always say yes, children may assume that a mother’s giving has no limit. Protecting your time and energy by setting calm boundaries is also part of teaching balance, showing them that love is not measured only by self-sacrifice. 

Give Them Language Around Teamwork 

Finally, give your children language around teamwork. You might say, ‘In a family everyone has responsibilities. Mummy and Daddy share the work, and so will you as you grow.’ This plants the seed that fairness and cooperation are expected, not exceptional. By making conscious choices in what you communicate, and by setting small but consistent boundaries, you begin to show your children that balance is part of healthy family life. 

Spiritual Insight 

Anchor Yourself in Islamic Fairness 

When it feels overwhelming to balance what you live and what you want your children to learn, it helps to anchor yourself in how Islam views fairness within the family. 

Men and Women Each Have Their Share 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 32: 

‘…For the men is a share of what they have earnt (through their hard work), and for the women, is a share of what they have earnt (through their hard work); and (if you wish for more) ask Allah (Almighty) from His benefactions (to give you more); indeed, Allah (Almighty) is Omniscient over everything.’  

This Verse reminds us that men and women each carry responsibilities, and that one’s effort and role are not erased or diminished. The justice of Allah is not based on who is more visible, but on the reality of each person’s contribution. When you model balance, you are reflecting this fairness for your children. 

Both Parents Are Responsible Shepherds 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih, Book 18, Hadith 25, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.’  

This Hadith shows that both father and mother are entrusted with responsibility, not one above the other. When you encourage shared duties, you are not asking for a favour, but upholding the prophetic model of accountability in the household. 

By grounding your family practices in fairness and by holding to the principle that both parents are shepherds, you can gradually model a healthier balance. Even if you feel the weight of it now, what your children will remember is not only the imbalance, but the way you insisted on fairness and respected yourself in the process. This gives them a clearer and stronger foundation to build upon when they become parents themselves.