How to Mediate Sibling Fights Without Taking Sides

Parenting Perspective

Be a Guide, Not a Judge

It is very common for children to look to their parents to ‘pick a side’ in their disagreements. In those heated moments, your role is less about being the judge and more about being the guide who helps them build healthier ways of managing conflict. If you consistently take one side, the other child may feel rejected and believe you are being unfair, which can deepen sibling rivalry.

Focus on Fairness in Process, Not Outcome

Instead, try to focus on fairness in process rather than in outcome. Hear each child out briefly without showing preference, then guide them both towards a solution they contribute to. This helps them see that your aim is not to punish but to help them grow in responsibility and empathy. It is also helpful to label the values you want them to learn, such as saying, ‘In this family, we try to solve problems with kindness,’ rather than simply deciding who is right or wrong.

Model Mercy and Forgiveness

You can also teach mercy and forgiveness by modelling it. If one child apologises, gently encourage the other to accept, without forcing it. Over time, explain that forgiveness is not about ignoring hurt, but about choosing to move forward. When they see you treat both with consistency, warmth, and accountability, they will gradually understand that fairness means upholding respect for each of them equally.

Equip Them with Tools to Manage Conflict

This approach prevents you from being drawn into the trap of ‘taking sides’ and instead equips your children with tools for managing conflict themselves.

Spiritual Insight

Approach Conflict with Justice and Compassion

Conflict between siblings is not new, and Islam gives us clear guidance on how to approach it with justice and compassion.

Make Peace Between Your Brothers

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Hujuraat (49), Verse 10:

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’

This Verse highlights that unity and reconciliation are not optional but part of our duty, and that seeking peace brings Allah’s mercy upon us. Applying this in the home means encouraging children to see each other as partners in faith and family, not rivals.

Reconciliation Affects Your Standing with Allah

It is recorded in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Book 22, Hadith 15, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘The gates of Paradise are opened on Mondays and Thursdays, and every servant who does not associate anything with Allah is forgiven, except the man who has enmity between him and his brother. It will be said: Delay these two until they are reconciled.’

This hadith teaches that forgiveness and reconciliation are so important that they directly affect our standing with Allah. Teaching this to children helps them understand that letting go of grudges is not just about keeping peace at home, but about pleasing Allah Almighty.

By showing fairness, encouraging forgiveness, and linking their behaviour to Allah’s love of mercy, you help your children see sibling disputes as opportunities to grow in character and faith, rather than battles for your approval.