How to Make Your Middle Child Feel Seen and Valued 

Parenting Perspective 

Ensure She Feels Recognised for Who She Is 

Middle children can easily feel overshadowed by the ‘firsts’ of an elder sibling and the attention drawn by the youngest. When your daughter says, ‘No one notices me,’ she is expressing a real need to feel unique and valued. The solution is not to make everything equal but to ensure she feels recognised for who she is, not just in relation to her siblings. 

Carve Out Individual Moments 

One practical step is to carve out individual moments with her, even if they are short. It might be reading together before bed, letting her accompany you on errands, or asking for her opinion in family decisions. The key is consistency, so she knows these moments are hers and is not dependent on her behaviour or achievements. 

Name Her Strengths Aloud 

It also helps to name her strengths aloud. Instead of only commenting on what her siblings do, deliberately highlight her qualities: ‘I noticed how thoughtful you were today,’ or ‘You have a creative way of solving problems.’ When she hears specific recognition, it reassures her that you truly see her. 

Create Opportunities That Belong to Her 

In family settings, create opportunities that belong to her. For example, she could be in charge of choosing the family game, reciting a short dua before a meal, or helping with a household responsibility that gives her a sense of contribution. These roles show her that she is not just filling a space between siblings but holds her own place in the family structure. 

Avoid Comparisons 

Finally, avoid comparisons, whether positive or negative. Frame her value as independent of her siblings. By making her feel secure that she is appreciated for her own presence, not for how she measures against others, you help her develop confidence in her role within the family. 

Spiritual Insight 

Every Human Being Carries Honour and Dignity 

Islam teaches that every person is honoured and valued by Allah in their own right. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Israa (17), Verse 70: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have honoured the descendants of Adam; and fostered them over the land and the sea; and provided sustenance for them with purified nourishment; and We gave them preferential treatment over many of those (species) We have created with special privileges.’ 

This Verse reminds us that dignity is not earned by being first or last but is inherent in every human being. Your middle child’s value is not reduced by her position in the family. She is honoured by Allah as an individual, and it is part of your duty to help her feel that dignity within the home. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

Justice here includes making sure no child feels invisible. Each must feel that their worth is acknowledged, even if their needs and expressions are different. For a middle child, justice means intentional recognition and ensuring that her voice is not lost between siblings. 

By showing her that she is seen, assigning her unique roles, and affirming her qualities, you align your parenting with the justice that Allah commands. Over time, she will feel less like the ‘forgotten one’ and more like a cherished member of the family whose presence carries unique value.