How to Make Each Child Feel Secure at Bedtime 

Parenting Perspective 

A Need for Reassurance, Not a Negotiation 

Bedtime is often when children seek reassurance, as the day winds down and they are about to separate from you for the night. It is natural for each child to want a piece of your presence, but it can feel overwhelming when you are only one person. 

Build Predictable Routines 

A good approach is to build routines that give each child a predictable slice of your attention. For example, you might spend a few minutes with each child individually, even if it is brief. The key is not the length but the consistency and the feeling of being fully present. During those minutes, put aside distractions, make eye contact, and share a short ritual like a dua together, a cuddle, or a calming phrase. Once children know what to expect, they are less likely to push for endless negotiations. 

Create Shared Rituals 

It can also help to create a shared ritual, such as reading Qur’an aloud, telling a story to all the children together, or making collective dua. This balances family bonding with individual reassurance. You can then follow this with a short check-in for each child. When children feel that their turn will come, and that it happens daily, they are less anxious about fighting for it. 

Communicate Limits Calmly but Firmly 

It is important to communicate calmly but firmly about limits. Let your children know that bedtime is not about endless bargaining, but that you love them and will return in the morning. The combination of a clear routine and small, sincere expressions of affection helps each child to settle without feeling neglected. 

Spiritual Insight 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

Islam emphasises fairness between children, not just in material matters but also in emotional presence.  

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1623, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This Hadith reminds parents that justice includes the way love and attention are given. Children are sensitive to perceived imbalance, and fairness reassures them that they are all equally cherished. 

Lower the Wing of Humility Out of Mercy 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 23–24: 

‘And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably… And spread over them (your) auspices with humility and mercy; (and plead for them and) say: “O my Sustainer, have mercy (and forgiveness) on both of them, because they have nurtured me when I was a child”.‘  

These Verses highlight the tenderness of parental care, which children later reciprocate. A parent’s small acts of mercy at bedtime can become powerful lessons in love and security that children carry into adulthood. 

By setting consistent, fair routines and blending them with acts of mercy, you show your children that while time is limited, love is abundant. This balance reassures them that your guidance and warmth are not divided but shared equally across all of them.