How to Maintain Fairness When Older Children Feel Burdened 

Parenting Perspective 

Foster Teamwork and Love 

It is understandable that older children sometimes feel burdened when routines change and extra responsibility falls on them. While helping younger siblings can build character, if it is unbalanced or unacknowledged, resentment may grow. A parent’s role is to ensure fairness while also fostering teamwork and love between siblings. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings 

You can begin by acknowledging their feelings rather than dismissing them. If an older child says, ‘I am always the one doing more,’ respond with, ‘I can see it feels heavy for you. Thank you for helping.’ This validates their effort while making them feel seen. It is also important to be clear about what is expected: assign specific, age-appropriate responsibilities instead of leaving them to pick up gaps. 

Ensure Everyone Contributes 

Balance comes when younger children are also given manageable tasks. Even small jobs, like setting the table or tidying their own toys, show that everyone contributes. When both older and younger siblings see that family responsibility is shared, they are less likely to compete and more likely to support each other. 

Celebrate Teamwork 

Finally, celebrate teamwork by recognising moments when siblings help one another. Instead of only correcting rivalry, highlight cooperation: ‘I noticed you both worked together to clear up quickly. That makes the home feel peaceful.’ In this way, your home environment encourages fairness and unity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Nurture Bonds of Mercy and Respect 

Islam places great value on fairness within families, reminding parents to avoid favouritism or placing undue burdens on one child over another. The goal is not only to manage responsibilities but also to nurture bonds of mercy and respect between siblings. 

The Believers Are But Brothers 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

This Verse teaches that unity and reconciliation should be prioritised, especially when differences arise. For children, learning that siblings are partners, not rivals, is part of living by this principle of brotherhood. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is also recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1623, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’ 

Justice includes ensuring that responsibilities and affection are distributed with balance. When a parent shows fairness, children learn that family roles are not about burdening one another, but about supporting each other for the sake of love and harmony. 

By combining clear expectations with gratitude and fairness, you show your children that responsibility in a family is an act of shared mercy, not unfair obligation. This helps protect their relationship and strengthens their understanding of what it means to live justly with one another.