How to Listen Better Instead of Fixing Everything 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be difficult when your daughter closes herself off just as you are trying to guide her. Often, a child does not reject advice because they dislike their parent’s care, but because they feel overwhelmed, unheard, or as if the advice comes before the listening. For a child, what matters most in moments of sharing is not the solution, but the sense of being understood. 

Change the Sequence of Your Response 

A practical step is to change the sequence of your response. Instead of offering guidance straight away, begin by reflecting back what you hear. If she says she had a hard day with friends, resist the urge to explain what she should do differently. Instead, respond with something like, ‘That sounds really tough,’ or, ‘It seems you felt left out.’ This communicates that you value her experience before you introduce your perspective. 

Ask for Permission 

You can also ask for permission before offering advice. A simple, ‘Would you like me to just listen, or would you like me to share some thoughts?’ gives her control over how the conversation flows. This small adjustment can transform your exchanges, as it removes the pressure she may feel when every conversation leads to correction or instruction. 

In addition, create regular moments of connection that are not advice-driven at all. Shared activities, light conversations, and moments of humour remind her that your relationship is not only about teaching, but also about companionship. Over time, this lowers her guard and makes her more receptive to your guidance when it truly matters. 

By shifting from immediate problem-solving to patient listening, you build trust. This trust, in turn, makes your advice more meaningful when the right moment comes. 

Spiritual Insight 

The noble Quran and the Sunnah both emphasise the importance of listening with patience and gentleness. Advice is valuable, but when it is offered without sensitivity, there is a risk that the person who is telling that with his heart might not want to listen although the other person seeks to guide.  

A Reminder to Preserve Dignity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), verses 10–11: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy. Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This teaching highlights the importance of respect in communication. Just as believers are reminded not to belittle or dismiss one another, parents are called to preserve dignity in how they address their children. A daughter will feel more valued when she is heard fully before being guided. 

The Prophetic Model: Mercy in Communication 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawud that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy to our young, nor recognise the rights of our elders, is not one of us.’ 

[Sunan Abu Dawud,43:171] 

This Hadith frames mercy as central to how children should be treated. Mercy in communication means listening without haste, responding with patience, and ensuring advice feels like care, not correction. 

By choosing listening over fixing, you show your daughter that her feelings are not obstacles to rush past, but realities to sit with. In that space of mercy, she will learn to trust your presence , and when she is ready for advice, she will seek it willingly from you.